Not the sort of thing
we want to see here!
If you can steel yourself to click those links you'll see lots of happy, fit, foreign people of all ages efficiently getting around on inexpensive-looking and old bikes. These people have confusingly different styles and bafflingly different outlooks on life which are difficult for us to immediately read - we can't tell what sort of attitudes they have, for they have no car to tell us what sort of people they are. Chilling. We comfort ourselves with the thought that they're probably all quite poor, poorer than us, anyway. If they weren't poor, they'd have a car, wouldn't they? Stands to reason. Also, none of these people are fat. That just confirms how poor they are.
To us, it looks like these foreign cyclists all have too much time on their hands. And they look as if they're enjoying it! Disgusting! Not the sort of thing which is at all suitable for Aberdeen "City and Shire"; carefree and whimsical ways of getting about are in stark contrast to our very serious grown-up attitudes to transport as we sit frowning in grim concentration behind the wheel; safely strapped to our chairs in extreme comfort in our cozy, locked metal boxes; fretting about our schedules and our overdrafts. As we wait in line at the Haudagain roundabout, we can judge our position in the socio-economic hierarchy simply by reading the marque-badges of the vehicles in the congestion queue around us. This either fills us with smug satisfaction (for our boot-lid sports more of the letters and numbers which make us feel important), or spurs us on to greater efforts of boss-flattery and money-go-round hamster-wheel spinning in our 50 hour-week cubicle-jockey spreadsheet-wrangling professional life.
That's why we were so happy when we saw that the Aberdeen Citizen freesheet had cleverly managed to put a pro-motoring anti-cyclist spin on its reportage of the 18% year on year increase in cycling numbers in Aberdeen:
"Tiring, dangerous and uncomfortable", the masochists in clown outfits are easy to despise, particularly as they are jeopardising the work to repair the potholes. Apparently.
We applaud the Aberdeen Citizen for making cycling look dangerous and masochistic, making cyclists look stupid and making cycling advocates look like freeloading dogs-in-mangers. This will increase motorists righteous indignation against cycling and cyclists and so lead to more combative road use by motorists which will, in turn, dissuade cycling. Result!
That way we can stay angry, fat, aggressive, selfish, self-righteous, stressed and expensive in our nice cars. Comforting.