UK's Biggest Push to Cut Car Use

Whaaaaat!

Oh. My. God. What a horrible headline?!!

This news arrived in our e-mail inbox from UK greenwashing quango SUSTRANS, who are big on attention grabbing headlines (obviously).

A read of the article here, though, soothed our minds, apparently, this "biggest ever push" consists solely of the fact that, for one year only:

Around 63,000 homes in Cardiff and Penarth are being offered personalised travel advice from Sustrans to help them plan their local journeys on foot, by bike and on public transport. 

After the initial year, if they can get funding, then they might do something else similar in another small corner of somewhere else in Wales.

Can you imagine our relief? Firstly, this "initiative" is in a small local area, in far away country full of people of whom we know nothing. But secondly, and much more significantly, this "project" does not involve doing anything which experience in other countries shows would actually reduce the use of cars: It does not involve a moratorium on the creation of car-parking spaces in towns; it does not involve road-pricing or congestion-charging; it does not involve road closures or roadspace-reallocation; it does not involve a carbon tax and it does not involve the sequestration of our road-taxes for a segregated cycling infrastructure building-programme. In short, this "biggest ever push" to get UK drivers to "just leave the car at home" consists of a couple of hand-wringing veggie do-gooder volunteers schlepping around with carrier bags full of leaflets (see below), knocking on doors in Cardiff, needily begging tax-payers and wealth-creators not to use the car once in a while. And to think, when we saw the headline, we were afraid that SUSTRANS were getting serious!

Of course, we should have known better, because all the evidence points to SUSTRANS being on-side with the Hard-Pressed Motorist. After all, SUSTRANS  heavily promulgate the facts that walking is a special activity, which requires special planning, special food, special equipment and special authorisation. See the SUSTRANS "Stride Guide" (pdf) info-sheet on "how to walk".

http://www.sustrans.org.uk/assets/files/Safe%20Routes/resources/toolkit/SRS_Stride_Guide.pdf

In this amazing anti-walking pamphlet which includes a 5-week countdown checklist for getting ready to walk, SUSTRANS suggests that walkers should consider singing a special song, be made to write poetry, wear fancy dress and eat veggie sausages. And we didn't even make any of that up.

While, of course, it is true that most people who walk are oddly-dressed vegetarian poetry-writers, if anything, we think that SUSTRANS has gone a bit too far this time in lampooning the vegan anti-car fanatics; its difficult to suspend disbelief when reading this satirical broadside. They even go so far as to say that walkers should carry passports!

We're all glad to know that SUSTRANS has a pro-status-quo greenwashing agenda, but this time they have gone too far, they need to calm down their frothy-mouthed rhetoric. We all know that hippy layabout tax-dodging oblimovist walkers and cyclists need to be shown that their so-called "sustainability" is harming the economy, but what we question is whether pushing against them and ranting about their vegan, poetry-writing funny-clothes-wearing is the most considered approach. Baiting walkers in such an immature and hostile way is only going to result in a big "**** you" rather than a considered "yes, you're right, walking is ridiculous, I should be supporting the economy by using our nice cars whenever we can, thus providing much employment and contributing greatly in taxes and giving the place a real 'buzz' of activity."

One thing we do agree with SUSTRANS on, though, is their insistence that walkers carry "a special passport" - like the pass-papers carried by black, asian and mixed-race people in apartheid-era South Africa, it will allow the authorities to swiftly identify the trouble-makers and flag them up for processing.


Look: This is the sort of thing we were afraid that SUSTRANS were about to announce. Thank god that what's happening in Wales just turned out to be a leafletting exercise.

Oxford, Cambridge - Failures.

We have become aware that, in Aberdeen's aspiration to 'ideopolis' status, some urban intellectuals have pointed to Oxford and Cambridge as having examples of urban space policies which we might want to follow. Sounds fair enough, we thought.

But then we started learning about things we don't much like.

From Cyclingmobility.com

Across the whole city [Oxford], more than 10% of journeys made are by bicycle. About 16% of commuters in the city cycle to work. Most cyclists ride in ordinary clothes ...

Oxford certainly doesn’t have lots of European-style segregated cycle tracks. There is a network of quiet routes on backstreets and paths, but they are generally indirect and not really good enough for people trying to get from A to B. They are mostly used by children going to school, and for leisure.

Instead, the majority of Oxford’s cyclists use the ordinary main roads. More than half of these main roads have painted cycle lanes (or bus lanes), but there’s no real separation from the traffic.

What is it that persuades cyclists to mix with the traffic in Oxford?

Partly, it’s the lack of car parking, especially in the city centre. Since the 1970s, businesses have not had permission to provide new car parking for their staff or customers; instead, they have to contribute to park and ride car parks on the edge of the city. Charges at public car parks are high, and they’re almost never full. More than 40% of journeys into central Oxford are by bus. This shortage of car parking makes many people try cycling who, elsewhere, wouldn’t even consider it.

Another reason is that no-one drives very fast in Oxford. It’s rare that anyone does more than 30mph. The side streets and shopping areas on main roads all have 20mph limits. If the residents had their way, there’d be 20mph limits on all of the main roads too.

So much space has been dedicated to bus lanes and cycle lanes that there’s not enough room for the traffic to go fast, even if the speed limits were increased. In 2000, the last two gyratory junctions were removed – they were clogged solid with traffic anyway. All the inner ring road junctions have 20mph limits, and they are much less scary than the norm.

So what is it that gets people cycling? It’s not perfect facilities – Oxford is far from perfect. But by removing car parking, making good public transport easily available and by slowing down motor traffic, other cities could follow the example set by Oxford in removing would-be cyclists’ concerns and turning interest into action.

(Our emphasis)


And just look at the result!

Who'd have thought there were so many poor people in Oxford?

This poor lost soul continues to wear his suit, despite obviously
having fallen so far that he can no longer afford a car.
Sad.

No caption required.

Much more pictures of Oxford's unemployed, layabout hobbyists here.

And what about Cambridge? We're afraid that it's much the same story.

Cambridge has a large number of cyclists. Many residents also prefer cycling to driving in the narrow, busy streets, giving the city the highest level of cycle use in the UK. According to the 2001 census, 25% of residents travelled to work by bicycle. A few roads within the city are adapted for cycling, including separate traffic lights for cycle lanes and cycle contraflows on streets which are otherwise one-way.

(Again, our emphasis)

Those unsettling pictures were from here and here.

St Andrews, too! That's getting a bit close to home!

So, all this is very disheartening. If the photos of all those cyclists in Oxford or Cambridge are anything to go by, it seems that this urban ideopolis thing doesn't work, having the effect only of forcing so many people to walk, cycle or use the bus. This means they must be unemployed, either that or very poorly paid, because otherwise they'd have nice cars, wouldn't they? Oxford and Cambridge are setting very poor examples. If this is what happens in an ideopolis, we'll just leave it, thanks. Who needs clever people anyway? And what about all the carbon emissions from all the books that these people read? Eh? What about that, then? Hadn't thought about that, had you?

Thank goodness we urban realists in Aberdeen have more enlightened policies towards future economic growth and sustainability than those urban intellectuals elsewhere, what with our forthcoming radial urban expressway which will deliver high volumes of high-speed traffic into the city centre on the currently underused Denburn Dual Carriageway and our extremely exciting orbital motorway project, "The AWPR" (Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route) which will greatly increase the number, distance and velocity of car journeys undertaken throughout Aberdeen "City and Shire", thus ensuring our future prosperity without question, because more cars on more roads is what everyone wants, isn't it?

"Aha got you there!" we can hear the nimby naysayer greenies - "what about all the carbon emissions that this increase in traffic will cause?" Well, we have it on good authority that by the time the AWPR is open to traffic in 2012 2015 2025 tailpipe emissions will be water only, hydrogen powered cars having been made compulsory cars will be zero emission because of some as-yet un-proven battery technology we'll all be driving fusion powered hovercars. Yes we will. We saw it on the Jetsons.

And, in any case, what about all the greenhouse gas emissions which come from the manufacture of too many cycle helmets and high-visibility tabards? Again, we'll bet you hadn't thought about that.

Now, which is best?

Aberdeen:

Or an ideopolis?

We're sure that, when you examine the evidence, you'll probably agree with us.

Oh Doctor Beeching.... Thankyou!

A little while ago we wrote of Aberdeen and Grampian Chambers of Commerce (AGCC) and their exciting aspiration to run a thrilling futuristic monorail on the route of the old Deeside Railway instead of the useless Sustrans National Cycle Route 195 which currently occupies that transport corridor like some sort of freeloading dog-in-a-manger.

While the AGCC monorail proposal for the Old Deeside Line is brilliant and forward looking, we couldn't help but think that there was something not quite right - that the proposal was missing something obvious. We said that one of the benefits of the monorail would be the fact that it would likely put the bus-route along North Deeside Road out of business, thus freeing up precious road-space for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars. But perhaps we would be best to take a leaf out of the book developed by our English cousins in the South West, where plans are afoot to turn the disused Bath to Bristol railway (currently only used by arrogant horsey people, walkers, cyclists, joggers, dog walkers, children, old people and all sorts of other petrol-tax-dodging people who are either unemployed or underemployed - in short, people who don't count and about whom we don't like to think) into a rapid-transit bus corridor. We understand that these plans are currently on hold. While not as exciting, futuristic, thrilling and forward-thinking as our own railway path monorail, there is much to recommend the Bristol/Bath bus plan. Primarily the fact that it will immediately get the hated buses off the road, freeing up precious roadspace between Bristol and Bath for more and nicer cars and vans, like those driven by the nice people at Bristol Traffic.

Bristol/Bath Railway Path
(Photo by Steinsky via Wikimedia commons)

But, of course, all this is just stupid. What a lot of nonsense, to think of converting these paths for public transport, when much more obvious and pragmatic use is clear to see. Via a citizen contributer known only as "Edinburgh Tags", we hear of a better solution yet, and one pioneered here in Bonnie Scotland! A part of the former Edinburgh Suburban and Southside Junction Railway (as closed by the Sainted Beeching) has been turned by Network Rail into a road, for cars and vans. No mamby-pambying around with compromise public transport options (however thrilling or futuristic), they have cut straight to the chase and pragmatically decided that what the market economy really calls for, what's really needed in order for economic activity to flourish, is more roadspace for more cars and vans. The trackbeds of the railways closed by Doctor Beeching in our Nation's Capital are seen as an ideal solution to increase the stock of available roadspace in Edinburgh.

Enter here.

Passing space - thoughtful!

That sign's not there for cyclists, pedestrians or arrogant horsey people.
No, its there for the drivers of Edinburgh Cars to ignore!

So yes, the capital leads the way. We must follow their example and get rid of the walkers, cyclists and equestrians from these former railway line routes. Never mind thinking of a monorail. Discard thoughts of dedicated bus lanes. We should take a leaf out of Edinburgh's book and convert the Old Deeside Line Sustrans Route 195 into a road for cars immediately. Economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire" (and so, by extension the rest of UK "plc") would then be assured!

The only weird thing is that it's taken this long since Beeching closed the railways in the 1960's for this obvious and inevitable solution to be identified for all that dead space!

Walking Makes you Fat. Official.

An interesting document: Preventing Overweight and Obesity in Scotland - A Route Map Towards Healthy Weight has been passed to us by an informant. You can download the PDF here.

In it, we noticed fascinating insights into how infrastructure issues might be tackled in order to mitigate Scotlands obesity epidemic:

At an environmental level we can also imagine how increasing walkable pedestrian areas in our town centres, without parallel actions to influence the kinds of high calorie snacks and drinks offered by cafes, takeaways and convenience stores could have the opposite outcomes to those we intended by increasing exposure to energy-dense foods and drinks.

There you have it. Pedestrian areas are likely to make people fat, because they will walk past takaways, bakers, sweetie shops and the like and be unable to resist the temptation to indulge their fat selves. Far better indeed that these people be encouraged not to walk anywhere at all. Much better that they stay in their cars, where they will definitely not be tempted by high calorie foods.

Yesterday we demonstrated how the evil curse of pedestrianisation, as it spreads across the USA, has caused market turmoil and stock market crashes. Now we know that it also causes obesity. Pedestrianisation (or roadspace reallocation, as it is sometimes known) must be stopped. If you agree, you should join our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway from the sinister forces of roadspace re-allocation. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.

Coincidence?

Here at Aberdeen Cars we love America and All Things American. Yes we do. We've been to Houston and we just love it!

So we're disturbed, very disturbed, by some of the anti-car news which seems to be coming out of America recently.

First, the pedestrianisation sorry 'pedestrianization' of Times Square and other bits of Broadway.

Then we hear of the burgeoning cycle movement in places like Minneapolis and Portland with their high number of segregated bike lanes, municipal bike racks, bike 'boulevards' (huh?) and other stuff we either don't understand or don't want to understand.

But now, and this is the worst, we noticed this on the TV:


Yes, that's Wall Street - the very name synonymous with buccaneering capital - has had one of New Yorks 'pedestrian plazas' imposed upon it over the last few weeks.

And just look what happened!!!!!



Coincidence? We don't think so...

Foreign Cycling "Culture"

Pedal-cycle use in foreign cities is a cultural thing. Not the sort of thing that could possibly catch on here, because it has never been embraced by our sort of people.

And as if to demonstrate exactly what we mean by that, just take a look at this barbaric display by the so-called "Mayor" of Vilnius. Which used to be in the Soviet Union. Say no more.



Barbaric. Imagine if someone were to do that to an Aberdeen Car!

Proof Positive That Foreigners Do Not Love Their Children

We all know that in abroad, and in some parts of Britain which are not concerned with the supply of oil and gas, they believe that 'global warming' is causing going to cause a 'bottleneck' which many species will be lucky to get through.

These arrogant people believe that they know best, and advocate birth control, voluntary euthanasia and all sorts of things like that to try to keep the 'damaging' human population down. All very sad and misguided, but not new. We were aware of these people and their activities. We knew all that.

But what we didn't know was this. These people are prepared to sacrifice their children in order to control the population. We have evidence - here, look:

Horrendous, isn't it? This is from the 'cyclestreets.net' website, and the photo is captioned: "Virtually all Dutch children cycle to school every day." Oh The Horror. The carnage must be unbelievable. The number of brain-damaged children in the Netherlands must be beyond count! The Dutch barbarians are prepared to soak their country in the blood of children's head injuries in order to 'save the planet'.

Of course, cycling is far too dangerous to just let children do it independently and in casual clothing. And here in Britain, we love our children, which is why we have every intention of making them safe at all times. If they were to cycle, we would make sure they were supervised and wearing high visibility yellow coats and big bright plastic helmets. This is in stark contrast to the Dutch monsters who let their children cycle about independently without any special equipment whatsoever. Unbelievable!

We believe that special safety equipment is very important and very good for safety at all times which is why we have no hesitation in endorsing these products which are for children to wear ALL THE TIME.

THE 'THUDGUARD'

THE 'OOPSIE'

More Cars on More Roads Leads To Rome

While some misguided commentators call for Aberdeen to adopt a Northern European model of traffic management, we here at Aberdeen Cars call for a more nuanced approach. You see, the greenie hippies and other War on the Motorist crusaders are always banging on about global warming and trying to make hard-pressed motorists feel guilty about getting about using the transport mode of their convenience and free choice.

Well, firstly, let us point out that anyone who lives in Aberdeen "City and Shire" would be perfectly reasonably within their rights to think that a bit of warming would be a good thing. Particularly this winter! Brrrr!

So if global warming is real (which it isn't! - everyone knows it's just an excuse to tax Britain's beleaguered motorists more and more!) and the climate heats up, we should expect more Mediterranean-style weather. Therefore, we should adopt Southern European models for traffic management - as pointed out in this illustrative, educational and inspiring photograph taken by Bill, Other Aberdeen's Foreign Correspondent, reporting from the streets of Rome.

Dateline Roma

Bill submitted his report by clicking the CitizenContribution hot-link to the left of the page and e-mailing his copy to abedeencars@gmail.com And for that we thank him very much.

As this plucky foreign corespondent's reportage states, both cars in the picture are parked, it was getting near the end of the day and some of the cars had moved off making this parking position look all the more innovative. Note the zebra crossing, the drivers of both cars didn’t - and why should they? The road-space in Roma is rightly theirs to do with as they please.

An interesting aspect of this photo is the so-called 'smart parking' by the Smart Car. At Aberdeen Cars we don't really like smart cars, we think that they are the thin end of a very big environmental wedge. So we're pleased to see the proper car - the 4x4 - blocking it in and teaching the Smart Car's driver an important lesson: "Ooops, sorry, we thought your car was just a bollard. Or maybe a bin."