PaveParker of the Week! SV06XNL

Congratulations to the driver of Aberdeen Car reg. SV06XNL. You are PaveParker of the Week!


Yes indeed, the driver of Aberdeen Car Volkwagen Golf Plus (oooh!) 1.9 SE TDI PD gets this weeks plaudits.

What really drew our eye was the innovative use of the traffic-calming (and driver-enraging) sleeping-policeman thingie. These are land-mines used against us by the dark anti-car forces in their ongoing war-on-the-motorist.

But, the cunning driver of this Aberdeen Car turns this blatantly anti-motorist measure to his or her advantage, using it as a ramp to gain level access to the pavement at the new-ish Woodlands at Pitfodels exclusive, aspirational, upscale housing development. Marvellous! Trust the innovative drivers of Aberdeen Cars to turn defeat into a resounding victory!

(We note that a WVM has used a similar method in order to execute essential services further up the road, so this method is spreading. It must be a bit like morphic resonance.)

We notice that the non-standard sign attached to the lamp-post says "Slow, Children at Play" and this worries us. Firstly, we're worried that it implies that around this part of town the parents let their children run around willy nilly unsupervised in the outside world. Disgusting. These children might brush against the nice car, scratch or dent it, and thus render it less nice. Thank goodness that the altruistic driver of SV06XNL is doing his or her best to discourage children from playing outside by demonstrating that there is simply no safe place for them in the outside world. Not on the road and certainly not on the pavement either. As everyone should now know, these spaces in the urban environment are for cars only. Children belong inside, in their rooms, with their video games.

When they grow up, then they can look forward to getting out and about in a nice car, like the good Ford intended.

Cycling Arrogance at Craigton Road.

Not for the first time, important motorists are the victim of cyclit arrogance while going about their lawful business using Her Majesty’s pock-marked and cratered highways.

This incident involed the drivers of Aberdeen Cars driving into and out of Aberdeen on Craigton Road. The cyclit obviously thinks there's something wrong with the driving, as they have arrogantly and didactically appended an excerpt from the Highway Code to the video.



This cyclit has included lots of similar so-called "incidents" on his YouTube Channel.

Other occasions have included shaking heads and wild flappings of hands. On these occasions the motorists have been driving quite reasonably, slowly and, we believe, in a considerate manner. The cyclit was hurt in none of the incidents. So what is he complaining about?

Other than stopping and pushing the car past cyclits, what do these people want the more-important-than-them drivers of Aberdeen Cars to do?

Yes we have sympathy with the cyclits concerned (although that sympathy is evaporating a little with each arrogant gesture). Ideally, country roads should be quieter. But, when there is no by-pass round Aberdeen, there is no alternative but to use country roads to commute. That is simple fact.

Which leads us to hope that these self same arrogant cycling people are not among the ranks of people who are opposing and delaying the AWPR with court orders and other nonsense.

If they are, we have a simple message: You can’t have it both ways!

Either you help expedite a by-pass, or you have to accept heavy traffic on the country roads. Fact.

Despite the fact that this route is radial, not circumferential and despite the fact that the A93 North Deeside Road strategic trunk road is closely parallel to this route, it is clear that (as far as we're concerned) there is no alternative to using this road to commute. FACT. We just prefer this road to the North Deeside Road. It is our super-secret rat-run where the speed limit is not enforced. FACT.

It is also clear that, when the bypass is built, everything will be great and a prosperous future for all will be ensured. All problems will be solved by this peripheral road and radial journeys into and out of town will somehow also be accommodated by the circumferential route. We don't know how, but they will be. FACT.

Much the same stuff happens when arrogant horsey people are involved.

SnowParking Roundup

Now that the festive season's over, and the snow and ice have cleared, it's time to take a moment to find out what lessons the drivers of Aberdeen Cars can learn from weather like this. I bet the clever entrepreneurs of Aberdeen can turn this to their advantage!

Parking Restrictions. Frozen! Hoora!

PaveParking is of course something that the drivers of Aberdeen Cars do as a matter of course anyway. Particularly in the upscale West End of the city. However, during the winter months, the clever PaveParkers of the West End provide an extra benefit by actually saving our hard-pressed council precious funds. You see, the PaveParkers actually prevent the gritting and clearing of pavements all over that prestigious district. This is People Power. This is the Big Society: We don't want or need the pavements to be gritted, so we use the means at our disposal to prevent it.

Indeed, why should our council devote precious resources to subsidising the unimportant feckless road-tax-dogding pestestrians? These freeloaders infuriate us with their refusal to contribute to economic growth and pay their way; pay their share with road tax, petrol tax, extra VAT, parking charges, and all the rest. These pestestrians are unimportant, they do not deserve our subsidy. If they were important, they'd be able to afford a nice car, and wouldn't need to waste the council's money on having the pavement gritted, or indeed maintained in any way.

The clever PaveParkers of Aberdeen Cars are doing us all a favour by showing these pestestrians just where they stand in the socioeconomic pecking order, and by freeing up precious roadspace so that the infinitely more important, hard-pressed, busy, clever and responsible motorists can enjoy the benefits of better traffic flow, which, as everyone knows, is the predominant source of economic growth and prosperity.

So, PaveParking is to be encouraged whenever possible. But those new to PaveParking mustn't get carried away. Please don't go too far, the pestestrians might "CarriageWalk".

Pavement? What Pavement?

If the snow conceals the double yellow lines, that means you can park wherever you like. Close to junctions, on the zig-zags, wherever. The No Parking signs don't count when there's snow on the ground. Obviously.

So. Let's look forward to more snow during the remainder of the winter. We just love the parking free-for-all which it implies for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars.

CitizenContribution - PaveParking at Pitfodels

A CitizenContribution from our suburbs today. "Kay" has clicked the link to our top-tips e-mail hotline (to the right) and drawn our attention to this excellent use of the redundant pavement on Craigton Road; that most favourite secret high-speed link between Airyhall and Cults, used regularly by drivers-in-the-know. The 30mph speed limit on Craigton Road is never enforced - thank goodness! So drivers are free to express themselves by approaching the thrilling switchback of "Jacobs Ladder" at high speed - just like Tiff Needell!

"Kay" writes:

The gentry of Woodlands of Pitfodels were obviously worried that they wouldn't get their cars out of their driveways. I'm sure they complained to the cooncil about the lack of ploughs on their cul-de-sac. I had to deal with the slush on the road but on reflection it is my own fault - I must be the poorest person living in this area as we only have one car and I have to walk to work. Perhaps I should move, I would hate to bring the area down.

This was last Friday but the cars have persisted all week.

Thanks

"Kay"

Thanks are due to you, "Kay". You've used your digital camera to capture two examples of advanced PaveParking.

First we see Beige VW Golf Diesel Hatchback reg. SL54YOR making full use of the pavement, as is their right. This causes the less important pedestrians (see the footprints?) to leave the pavement and walk on the carriageway. This is terrible. Let's hope these selfish pedestrians didn't disrupt the very important journey of some VIP motorist making his speedy way between Airyhall and Cults.

Why don't these pedestrians just get themselves a nice car. Like this one:

Silver Grey Mercedes Benz CLK Cabriolet 200K 'Elegance' (oooh!) with Cherished Plate X11DLB shows us yet another advanced aspect of PaveParking. Being the type of motor driven exclusively by aspirational top-management-class people, it is obviously subject to the envy and avarice of the lower classes, who might like to try and steal it. So, cleverly, the driver of this splendid silver-grey German auto has been sure to PavePark it just below a streetlamp. Clever! No wonder they're "Management Material"! They deserve that Cherished Plate.

North Deeside Road Parking Lane

Once again, we see an excellent example of the considerate nature of the drivers of Aberdeen cars.

Here, on North Deeside Road, close to Pitfodels Station Road, we see that the compassionate driver of silver-grey Honda CRV Diesel Estate 2.2 iDTec EX 5dr reg. H14 ABM has decided that the cycle lane is far too dangerous for cyclists to use, and has rightly deemed it to be far better a place to park than to ride a bike.

Any cyclist coming along and facing this sight would be left re-evaluating his transport choice - he would either have to cycle on the pavement (which isn't allowed) or move out into the 'taxpayer lane' where he would get in the way of important VIP taxpayer cars. Yes, the hapless cyclist would be forced to have a bit of a re-think about why he thought it was a good idea to cycle around the place anyway - getting in the way and showing off like that.

Everyone knows that the roads are far too busy to cycle on; far too busy with important people going about in their cars, contributing to economic growth and supporting the exchequer. Roads are not a playground, free for people to do-as-they-please and indulge their hobbies.

And, everyone knows that cycling is highly dangerous anyway, so by taking the matter into his own hands and discouraging this fringe minority hazardous activity, the clever and important driver of Honda CRV reg. H14 ABM has actually made the roads much safer. You see, now, it's not a "cycle lane", it's a much needed (and free) "parking lane" for road-tax payers only.

It's David Cameron's "Big Society" in action, right here, in Aberdeen!

And it's marvelous!