PaveStorage

This caught our eye on Aberdeen's Pitstruan Place. We were outraged that the driver of Aberdeen car S551BTE should leave their storage/trailer on the pavement for two whole days and one night.

Yes we were outraged and full of righteous indignation. We far prefer this pavement space to be left available for PaveParking.

PaveParker of the Week! Y417XGB

JUST AMAZING. WE'RE STUNNED. FAN-PARKING-TASTIC!

This weeks deserved winner of our PaveParker of the Week award is the driver of Aberdeen Car Ford Focus Estate 1.6 LX reg. Y417XGB who has pioneered a brand new technique for parking on the streets and pavements of Aberdeen:

Yes, here we see on Aberdeen's Pitstruan Place the latest innovation in Aberdeen PaveParking: ChevronPaveParking!


The space available not being quite big enough for the driver or this Aberdeen Car (which is a sensible estate car), he or she has chosen to go in "on the slant", and so, instead of the usual two wheels on the pavement both belonging to either the onside or offside of the car, has planted both REAR WHEELS fully on the footway. Innovative!


Note also that by using this parking tactic, this sensible driver has made sure not to impinge on the part of the carriageway used for traffic flow (the source of all economic activity), thus demonstrating his or her commitment to sustainable economic growth. Additionally, by blocking off a good bit of the pavement, this driver is demonstrating that walking is frowned upon in this affluent area of town, despite the supposed rise in the number of people walking in Aberdeen.

The truth these pedestrian advocates avoid recognising is that most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people like them expect we motorists to ‘just leave the car at home once in a while’, while our money is spent creating pedestrian crossings, refuges, pavements and the like all for them freeloading walkers, who then don’t use them, much preferring to just come out of nowhere and step in front of our nice cars, thus endangering our no-claims bonuses.

And so, by the driver of this Aberdeen Car making this innovative use of the pavement for rear wheels evident by this exemplary anti-pedestrian action, we expect this new ChevronPaveParking meme to spread like wildfire through Aberdeen's stately residential avenues where economic growth and a much needed house-price uplift is the priority.

Barriers to the Uptake of Driving Really Nice Cars

They give with one hand, and they take away with the other.



On Aberdeen's Pitstruan Place, the driver of Aberdeen Car Jaguar XK8 Coupe reg. L1MJF with its 4.2 litre engine is faced with an infuriating dilemma.

The authorities have put in a 'traffic calming' raised platform to assist with PaveParking. Those low profile tires and alloys don't take kindly to bumping up kerbs! That's why we usually like those 'raised platform' things. They're nearly as good as dropped kerbs for helping with PaveParking.

But in this case, the raised platform access to the pavement is blocked. Yes blocked, not only by the tree, but also by a hated bollard. Plaudits are due to our Jag driver for showing willing and getting at least some of his tyres up and onto the pavement. Dedication!

This is the very opposite of joined-up thinking from our local government. If they want Aberdeen "City and Shire" to be a forward-looking city with lots of economic growth and people driving really nice cars, then these barriers must be removed forthwith so that the drivers of the very loveliest cars can get them properly up on the pavement where they belong - letting the traffic FLOW!

SnowParking Roundup

Now that the festive season's over, and the snow and ice have cleared, it's time to take a moment to find out what lessons the drivers of Aberdeen Cars can learn from weather like this. I bet the clever entrepreneurs of Aberdeen can turn this to their advantage!

Parking Restrictions. Frozen! Hoora!

PaveParking is of course something that the drivers of Aberdeen Cars do as a matter of course anyway. Particularly in the upscale West End of the city. However, during the winter months, the clever PaveParkers of the West End provide an extra benefit by actually saving our hard-pressed council precious funds. You see, the PaveParkers actually prevent the gritting and clearing of pavements all over that prestigious district. This is People Power. This is the Big Society: We don't want or need the pavements to be gritted, so we use the means at our disposal to prevent it.

Indeed, why should our council devote precious resources to subsidising the unimportant feckless road-tax-dogding pestestrians? These freeloaders infuriate us with their refusal to contribute to economic growth and pay their way; pay their share with road tax, petrol tax, extra VAT, parking charges, and all the rest. These pestestrians are unimportant, they do not deserve our subsidy. If they were important, they'd be able to afford a nice car, and wouldn't need to waste the council's money on having the pavement gritted, or indeed maintained in any way.

The clever PaveParkers of Aberdeen Cars are doing us all a favour by showing these pestestrians just where they stand in the socioeconomic pecking order, and by freeing up precious roadspace so that the infinitely more important, hard-pressed, busy, clever and responsible motorists can enjoy the benefits of better traffic flow, which, as everyone knows, is the predominant source of economic growth and prosperity.

So, PaveParking is to be encouraged whenever possible. But those new to PaveParking mustn't get carried away. Please don't go too far, the pestestrians might "CarriageWalk".

Pavement? What Pavement?

If the snow conceals the double yellow lines, that means you can park wherever you like. Close to junctions, on the zig-zags, wherever. The No Parking signs don't count when there's snow on the ground. Obviously.

So. Let's look forward to more snow during the remainder of the winter. We just love the parking free-for-all which it implies for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars.

Essential Services - Drain Surgeon SP09XJL

Most drivers of Aberdeen Cars are High Net Value entrepreneurs of some type or another, and one great way to make extra unearned income is via Buy-to-Let (BTL), which has proven very popular in the city during our Long Boom. 

You just buy a tenement flat, ram in some room dividers then cram it full (B&Q sell triple-bunk beds) of students, nurses, care-workers, immigrant waiters, young professionals priced out of property ownership etc etc. You get the idea. House of Multiple Occupancy (HMO) landlord licenses go through on the nod; they never bother checking on the adequacy of water supply, drainage, ventilation etc. And, indeed, nor should they: "Let the Market Decide!" That's our rallying cry.

So, there's nothing worse than when your ungrateful HMO tenants block the toilet with their egregiously over-ample excretions or inappropriately disposed-of ladies' items. Honestly, can't these people wait until they're at work or uni and use the toilet there? Rather that than incur wear and tear and damage on our HMO Buy-to-Let entrepreneur's capital. So inconsiderate.

It's just as well that the pavements in Aberdeen's West End (where the preponderance of HMO's are located) are wide enough to accommodate the Essential Services "Drain Surgeon" van reg. SP09XJL, so often is he summoned to relive the pressure at this HMO.

We are impressed by the "Drain Surgeon"s entrepreneurial flair. Not only is he making the best of this prime opportunity for PaveParkVertising but also he is potentially creating extra business for himself by weight-loading the soil and run-off drain pipes which run under where he has PaveParked his van. Clever.

We also like the name "Drain Surgeon". (Do you see what they've done there?) But nothing, of course, can compete with this famous cherished plate from the same sector:

PaveParkVertising!

The drivers of Aberdeen Cars once again show their business acumen and entrepreneurial flair; a talent which might even be good enough for TV's "The Apprentice"!

This time, we're delighted to announce a new development. Yes.

        "PaveParkVertising" 

(Though we are a bit worried that it might be a portmanteau too far.)

The driver of VW Golf 1.4s with Cherished Plate NEZ555 has not only used the PaveParking opportunity afforded by the build-out at the junction between Aberdeen's Pitstruan Place and Broomhill Road, but he has also enhanced his status in the community by taking the chance to promote his enterprise: "3SIXTY - Aberdeen's Premier Student Night". We think that's splendid and we particularly enjoy the use of the word "Premier". How could we expect anything less? As you can see, the club's website rightly acclaims its management as "VIP's" and in some cases even "VVIP's"

We also very much appreciate that our hard-pressed students are being offered drinks from only 90p. In these difficult times, it's great to see that they are being targeted in this way, what with this PaveParkVertising car stationed on the pavement just outside a famous local HMO which is used as a flophouse for students. We've noticed the PaveParkVertising car here before at least once, so we reckon there must be a connection between it and the hard-drinking student occupants of the HMO. We're delighted that there's this business-friendly relationship between student accommodation and the licenced trade, particularly where there's discounted drink on offer, and we'll be sure to mention it on our stakeholder submission next year when the HMO licence comes up for renewal in the neighbourhood.

You see, integrated business opportunities like this are like gold-dust, and must be highlighted so that the next generation of entrepreneurs can find economic activity in and for Aberdeen when the oil runs out in 2014. What with the new city bypass, urban dual-carriageway and city-centre carpark plans and everything, combined with this PaveParkVertising of cheap drink, the future will be assured!

Oh, and we nearly forgot. The way the car is PaveParked, at that jaunty angle, is really cool. Fact.

At a charismatic and jaunty angle.
It's like as if it's in a car-sales brochure or TV advert or something.