PaveParker of the Week! X266OES PaveDRIVER!

Yes indeeeeeddddyyy! Congratulations to the driver of Aberdeen Car Renault Clio Hatchback "Special" (oooooohhh!) EDS 1.2 "MTV" (super-cool!) reg. X266OES.

Demonstrating where pedestrians should go in the Aberdeen road use hierarchy (i.e. bloody nowhere) the driver of this Aberdeen car demonstrates Full PaveParking and Bollard-Thwarting skills on Aberdeen's Pitstruan Terrace. Impressive.

But, more to the point and the reason for this weeks premium award to the driver of this Aberdeen car is the demonstration of an advanced skill which we notice that he or she must have used to reach this point on the so-called "pedestrian footway"- yes:

PaveDRIVING ^tm

We're delighted to report that we think you can expect to see a lot more of this type of thing on the pedestrian footways of Aberdeen "City and Shire" over the coming weeks, months and years as the race for economic growth heats up and as every single piece of urban space is used to help ensure traffic flow - the very font-spring of sustainable economic growth.

That's why it's important that all our readers join in our campaign to save the Denburn Dual carraigway from the clutches of the sinister forces of reallocation. Yes Save the Denburn Dual Carriagway ('like' us on FaceBook, 'follow' us on Twitter)

Essential Services - Grouptyre/Kenway Tyres van SV03CZX

Here's our undercover agent "Codename JannieJumbo" cycling about maintaining his legend as an 'activist' within the so-called 'cycling community' in Aberdeen. This time, he gets taught a valuable lesson by the white van man driving the Grouptyre Van SV03CZX on Aberdeen's Great Western Road.

According to the Grouptyre website, they offer "an unrivalled delivery" service.



Woooh! Dramatic! "Unrivalled!"

That'll have left an impression on "Codename JannieJumbo" and that's for sure! Of course, the drivers of Aberdeen Cars know that the lesson which "Codename JannieJumbo" is being taught is all about priorities:
Cars have priority; Grouptyre/Kenway Tyres exist to service the needs of car drivers. So what's a cyclist doing on the road? He should be in the park, or on a cycletrack or something. And we bet he wasn't even wearing a helmet.

Separation Principles?

As part of our distasteful work researching what's important to cyclists (I know, but somebody's got to do it), we came across this diagram from some Danish manual on cycle infrastructure:

Now, you can see the trap they've fallen into there. They've actually regarded cycling as something to promote, something to facilitate. And so they've ended up with stuff like this nonsense on Copenhagen Cycle Chic.

If only they'd adopted the UK model, then they could have the proper sort of car-priority infrastucture we enjoyed by the Drivers of Aberdeen Cars.

Worrying Statistics

We read with horror, disbelief, shock and fear that pedal-cycle numbers are on the sharp increase in Aberdeen. Latest figures from vegetarian war-on-the-motorist support group Aberdeen Cycle Forum show that year on year cycling in Aberdeen has increased by 18%.


Somebody once said that the misunderstanding of exponential growth is one of society's greatest problems, so let us spell that out for you...

You might be unconcerned: "A growth of 18% on top of what is a very low figure anyway need hardly trouble the busy and superior drivers of Aberdeen Cars" - we hear you say. But, an 18% year on year growth leads to a doubling period of just 4 years. Can you imagine? Double the amount of cyclists on our streets by 2015. And double that again by 2019. At this rate, the amount of cycling in Aberdeen "City and Shire" will reach and maybe even surpass our government's stated target of 10% of journeys in Scotland to be undertaken by bike by 2020. And to think, in our complacency the drivers of Aberdeen Cars once labeled this 10% target far-fetched and unrealistic, choosing instead to look forward to the certainty that zero-emission motor transport will be ubiquitous by the time the Aberdeen bypass opens in 2012.

We have been asleep at the wheel (not just taking photos from behind it) and have allowed the grass to grow beneath our tyres - our local press reports that motor traffic on our major city routes is at its lowest for years and years. In some cases motor traffic levels have dropped to a paltry volume not seen since 1995. Frightening - it is as if the ground has opened up beneath our sump-pans.

And into this vacuum the cyclists have swarmed like vermin. We think this sends out all the wrong messages about Aberdeen "City and Shire": It says we are a city and region that does not value its ability to buy really nice cars; it says we are a city that couldn't care less about economic growth. What with all those people cycling around Aberdeen these days rather than use their lovely big cars, the place is looking a bit like DSS-land or StudentVille or something.

That's why it's vital that we do everything we can to fight back - to support the planned road improvements which will draw more drivers in more cars into the heart of the city centre and park in the lovely new underground car park which the City Gardens Project has planned for us adjacent to our favourite piece of urban infrastructure - the Denburn Dual Carriageway. The measures which will support this are the Berryden Corridor Improvements, the Aberdeen Bypass, the Haudagain Improvements and our continued resistance to the pedestrianisation of Union Street.

But most importantly, it is vital that we do everything we can to "Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway!" Join our popular common-sense campaign to put roads and road planning and road users at the heart of city planning - where we belong! ('like' us on FaceBook, 'follow' us on Twitter)

PaveParker of the Week! Wrights Catering YY05HFW

Congratulations to this week's PaveParker of the week, spotted outside the wee shoppie on the corner of Aberdeen's Broomhill Road and Balmoral Place.


Full PaveParking, PaveParkvertising. It's all pure PaveParking magic from Wrights Catering as they use the dropped kerb and pedestrian build-out at the junction to facilitate this highly accomplished anti-pedestrian maneuver.

Check out their delivery terms at www.wrightscatering.co.uk - they offer a free office delivery service, catering to the needs of the busy cubicle-bound drivers of Aberdeen Cars as they desk-dine their way to finding a way to hopfully trying to create some ideas which will generate some much-needed economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire".

Judging by how many of the flatted properties around the area pictured are "to let" it looks like economic growth is really very much required! If Wright's Catering and the like continue with their economic-growth generating motoring activities, we'll surely see those "to let" signs turning back into "for sale" signs soon! Here's hoping!


So we thank Wright's Catering - we thank them for supporting the drivers of Aberdeen Cars in their quest for an economic future, and we thank them for their pro-property anti-pedestrian activities in the west end of town. This sends out all the right messages and demonstrates that Aberdeen is one city which really knows where it's going.

Now THAT'S a great idea.

Car Enthusiast keeps Ferrari Parked in the Lounge.

At first we thought when we heard this news: This guy must be the driver of an Aberdeen Car. We'd even mentioned the fact that some drivers of Aberdeen Cars would do just what this guy has done, given the chance.

But then we read on... and discovered that this guy's Ferrari is second hand. Ugh! No self-respecting driver of Aberdeen Cars would be seen dead in a second hand Ferrari.

It just sends out all the wrong messages.

Haudagain Victory!

look at all that congestion!

A victory, a triumph!

Haha! We very much enjoyed reading the news that the drivers of Aberdeen Cars have voted the Haudagain Roundabout the worst roundabout in Britain! Huzzah!

We think this is great. Great because it demonstrates just how highly motivated the drivers of Aberdeen Cars are. We all know that The Haudagain Roundabout isn't really all that bad (people who think that Aberdeen has traffic problems clearly don't travel out of the city much!).

Check out this vid from Glasgow:




No, the Haudagain's not that bad at all, nothing like it - but, given the chance, we'll complain bitterly. Have a look at this news video from STV:



Heh. Traffic flowing smoothly round the roundabout, no waiting to speak of at all throughout the report. Yet the talking head goes on and on about how bad it is and the motorists interviewed complain bitterly of hour-and-a-half waiting times and call for urgent solutions. Now that some car-rental company has complied with the wishes of the drivers of Aberdeen Cars and named the roundabout the "Worst in Britain" perhaps our city fathers will start acting on an urgent solution.

This is our favourite of the urgent solutions - and the on which Cllr. George Adam promotes in the STV video piece.

The demolition of the tenement blocks at Logie and Manor to make way for a relief road will make a hundred or so people homeless, but - em, whatever! That's DSS-land anyway. About these people we care not one jot.

In any case, we like the council's choice of words about the necessity to demolish the tenements in Logie and Manor - they say that building the relief road on the site of these homes will:

...contribute to the City Council’s regeneration aims by complementing the development of the Logie/Manor area of Middlefield.

The drivers of Aberdeen Cars - contributing and complimenting - by demolishing the dog-in-a-manger family homes which stand in the way of our lovely new road. Well, it is a "problem area" - it's probably best that this community is split up and moved on. It's for their own good.

Dog-in-a-manger family homes on the site of
OUR future relief road. Get them out!