Well, of course cycling is slow. That's why it's no use for busy important people like us who have to get places quickly because they're going places! Obviously.
Ha ha ha. Yes, but that's not what we're on about here. Apparently there's a bunch of people who actually celebrate cycling slowly. We can't tell you how angry this makes us. Look at this:
Ugh. What's wrong with these people? Not only do they acknowledge how slow cycling is, but they appear to be revelling in it. That's just sick. If they were behind us in traffic we'd give them a good blast of the horn and a piece of our mind. And we'd be perfectly justified in doing so, because, if they were getting in our way, then they'd be preventing our quest for economic growth and thus jeopardising our paying of the exorbitant taxes which largely go to building their cycle lanes and paying their unemployment benefit. At least that's what the Daily Mail says.
Also, if there's one thing that really gets our goat it's people with too much time on their hands - which this bunch of jokers clearly have. When you have too much time on your hands, your mind can drift, and get all sorts of funny independent ideas. That's why it's best to keep busy and stay medicated. We notice that a large subset of those with Bipolar Disorder suffer from what's known as "Slow Cycling" Bipolar Disorder. Coincidence? We don't think so. But we don't know whether it's cause or effect...
A course of SSRI's is probably a good idea to be on the safe side for this bunch of Slow Bicycle Movement layabouts. That'll soon get them back to work and back to paying their taxes and back to frantic panicky retail therapy on a Saturday. None of which ever did us any harm.