A blog about cars in Aberdeen.

This is a blog about cars in Aberdeen because most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists.

Wednesday 15 February 2012

Top Tips on Turning Your Motoring Life Eco

As important drivers of nice big Aberdeen Cars, we bet that like us you're sick and tired of being lectured by meanie-greenie treehuggers about carbon emissions.

That's why we were delighted when local aspirational freesheet - the West End Gazette - plopped through the front door this weekend, containing as it did a section on "Top tips on turning your motoring life eco".

The publisher and editor of this free consumer/lifestyle mag, fat larger lady Sue Simpson echoes our above sentiment and says:
"There are some eco-warriors out there who believe that the humble automobile is the devil on wheels. But in recent years, car manufacturers have worked hard to change the car's planet-killing image..."
Her "Going Green" article then details some super tips on eco-driving like:

  • Think aerodynamic! Drive with the windows up, and remove stuff like roof-racks when you're not using them;
  • A clean car might be a pretty car, but do you need to do it every week? If you must make your 'pride and joy' the sparkling envy of all who see it, use a bucket and sponge to clean the car, rather than a hose. Even better, use "Miracle Drywash";
  • Try "green" cleaning products;
  • Use the SatNav to avoid getting lost, which wastes fuel;
  • Take the golf-clubs out of the boot;
  • Service the car at home so you can be sure to take used fluids, bulbs, other bits and bobs to the proper specific recycling centre.

As corpulent big boned Ms. Simpson says:
"[these] are ways you can cut your carbon footprint - and it doesn't have to mean walking!
Well thank Ford for that! We certainly wouldn't want to walk anywhere. Ever. Not ever ever ever ever ever. That would be the very opposite of progress. We're still waiting for drive-in banking to arrive in Aberdeen "City and Shire", but no - no, we're stuck with online banking.

The one criticism we have about obese cuddly Sue's Top Tips is that they manage to conflate material recycling and chemical toxicity with carbon emissions. Now, it's clear that she's done this with the best of intentions, to dilute any possible danger of scaremongering about the onrushing climate catastrophe. But, hasn't she heared? Global Warming will be GOOD for Scotland!


  1. She could have at least mentioned some proper fuel economy recommendations like ensuring your tyres are at the correct pressure and the use of gentle braking and acceleration. Most modern cars come with a readout that will show your current MPG as you drive, along with an average since the last reset/refill. Both are very helpful for making sure your getting the most from that liquid gold you regularly poor into the hole at the back.

    Nice to see she mentioned removing the gold clubs, bloody weight weenie ;-)

  2. Thanks for your contribution, Mark S!

    Though, from what you say, calling petrol "liquid gold" and worrying about how much of it you use, we worry that perhaps you are maybe quite poor, and so cannot possibly be the driver of an Aberdeen Car. As we've already shown, global warming will be GOOD for Scotland, so that's no reason to save petrol. Moreover, round here its a well known fact that Aberdeen is widely regarded as one of the key cities to watch, it's economic resilience making it the vibrant dynamo to pull UK plc out of recession. It is therefore vital that the drivers of Aberdeen Cars make as much contribution to the EU economy as possible by consuming as much fuel as possible as often as possible. Only in this way will a return to sustainable global economic growth be assured. Addionally, there being nothing quite as splendid as wealth and riches, and what with motor fuel now being a Veblen Good, it behooves the drivers of Aberdeen cars not only to use as much fuel as possible, but to be SEEN to be using as much fuel as possible. This means using engine-wailing, wheel spinning, right-foot heavy driving to roar between the red traffic lights as quickly as possible, screeching on the brakes when the next junction's reached and sitting waiting for the red/amber, revving the engine aggressively at any cyclists or pedestrians who might also be waiting to use the junction.

    Now, having said all that, greenwash does has its political place for sure, so that's why we're happy to see print media propagate the cognitive-dissonant concept of "eco-driving". It always helps to keep the tree-hugging meanie-greenies quiet by throwing them a bone from time to time! (Though, what with eco-warriors mostly being strict vegans, that's a bit of a mixed metaphor, no?)

    But we're not monsters, and we want people (yes - even poor people!) to enjoy the convenience and ego-stroking prestige of motoring about the place as much as they want without any regard for the externalities of their activities - so thanks very much for your valuable "eco-driving" top tips. If the little people keep stuff like what you've said foremost in their thoughts as they sit in the gridlock around Aberdeen "City and Shire", the scourge of pestestrians and cyclists making our cities look all untidy and un-dynamic and going nowhere fast will soon be defeated once and for all!

    Finally, on a personal note, having revealed your concern about fuel prices and bravely coming out as being poor (your typo - "gold clubs" [sic] betrays your obsession with not having enough money), have you considered working harder or getting a better job, so that fuel prices are less of a worry for you? Anything, anything at all, as long as it means you can keep using the car and not have to walk! Or cycle! The horror!