PaveParker of the Week! PaveDriver and Bollard-Thwarter WVM TN07RNS

There used to be a TV ad for the Ford Tansit van: "Backbone of Britain" was the tag-line. The ad's not been on for a few years now - but we were heartened to see that WVM is keeping up the "Backbone of Britain" tradition on Aberdeen's Holburn Street. That's where we spotted this week's PaveParker of the Week - the White Van Man driver of Ford Transit TN07RNS gets this weeks award for teaching the layabout underemployed pestestrians (or "odd footpeople", as we now like to call them) a damned fine lesson.


Extra credit is due to our WVM PaveParker for also demonstrating a bit of PaveDriving and a hint of Bollard-Thwarting, all the while extending the empire of the motorised into the impoverished hinterland of the odd footpeople. Let's wipem out! Yeah! Now that the count-down's under way to the start of work on our exciting thrilling new orbital motorway, let's be sure and have no-one walking the streets of "The Granite City" when it opens to traffic in 2012, 2015, 2019, 2025.

At first we were worried...

... but then we realised what was really going on.

We're talking about the local "joint project" - GetAbout - their stated aim is to create a "better transport system... in Aberdeen City and Shire."

News reaches us that GetAbout are floating the idea of a bike-sharing scheme for Aberdeen, similar to London's so-called 'Boris Bikes', or "Boris's Bikes" as GetAbout would have it. Well, of course we were worried. But then, on closer reading, we realised the subtlety of what was really going on here. From the GetAbout web-page:

Is Aberdeen ready for a scheme like Boris's?

What do you think? ... Perhaps you think it's just not safe to cycle, or as a driver you are worried by cyclists. Maybe Boris's Bikes sound great for use on old railway lines and in the parks, or may be they sound an ideal way to get around town. Would your staff use them for business trips or to get to work from the Union Square Transport interchange?

(Our emphasis)

It's subtle and very clever. What appears on the surface to be a pro-cycling bit of quango-work is actually framed very carefully in an anti-cycling context with anti-cycling language and imagery. We therefore congratulate GetAbout, for spending their greenwash budget on an intitiative which drives home the usual messages:

• that cycling is not safe;
• that cyclists worry drivers. Indeed, for the menace cyclists might scratch our nice cars as we roar past them, or - when we run into them after they've "just come out of no-where" - they jeopardise our no-claims bonuses. And we already pay quite enough for car insurance, thank-you very much;
• and that cycling is not really a mode of transport at all, it's fine for the old railway line or in the park and that's about it.

Then, and only then, do GetAbout ask whether we should consider cycling for getting around town or business trips or commuting? GetAbout mention this only after first framing the question with the three previous anti-cycling points, thus ensuring that - when we consider getting about town by bike, or commuting by bike or doing a business trip by bike - we first consider that it is not safe, that it worries drivers, and that it is in fact, just a childish leisure activity for weekends or summer evenings. So GetAbout have ensured that the answer will be: "No, cycling does not sound like an ideal way to get around town, to commute, or to use for a business trip - are you mad?"

Just look at the  picture which GetAbout have chosen to illustrate their press-release.
She is not a high-powered business-person, unlike the people in Aberdeen who mostly are.
And she is wearing a  full-head crash helmet, thus demonstrating danger.
And the bikes, look at the bikes. They are not in use. Good. Let's keep it that way.

We think its brilliant that GetAbout have managed to propagate this pro-motorcar message while spending their budget appearing to promote cycling and maintaining plausible deniability.

In their press release they asked:

Is Aberdeen ready for a scheme like Boris's?

By framing their question the way they have, they have helped ensure that, in Aberdeen "City and Shire" the answer to that question will remain for the forseeable futue a resounding "NO!" and have helped to keep the dangerous menace of cycling off our roads. We congratulate GetAbout for their kung-fu skills. Brilliant!

Oxford, Cambridge - Failures.

We have become aware that, in Aberdeen's aspiration to 'ideopolis' status, some urban intellectuals have pointed to Oxford and Cambridge as having examples of urban space policies which we might want to follow. Sounds fair enough, we thought.

But then we started learning about things we don't much like.

From Cyclingmobility.com

Across the whole city [Oxford], more than 10% of journeys made are by bicycle. About 16% of commuters in the city cycle to work. Most cyclists ride in ordinary clothes ...

Oxford certainly doesn’t have lots of European-style segregated cycle tracks. There is a network of quiet routes on backstreets and paths, but they are generally indirect and not really good enough for people trying to get from A to B. They are mostly used by children going to school, and for leisure.

Instead, the majority of Oxford’s cyclists use the ordinary main roads. More than half of these main roads have painted cycle lanes (or bus lanes), but there’s no real separation from the traffic.

What is it that persuades cyclists to mix with the traffic in Oxford?

Partly, it’s the lack of car parking, especially in the city centre. Since the 1970s, businesses have not had permission to provide new car parking for their staff or customers; instead, they have to contribute to park and ride car parks on the edge of the city. Charges at public car parks are high, and they’re almost never full. More than 40% of journeys into central Oxford are by bus. This shortage of car parking makes many people try cycling who, elsewhere, wouldn’t even consider it.

Another reason is that no-one drives very fast in Oxford. It’s rare that anyone does more than 30mph. The side streets and shopping areas on main roads all have 20mph limits. If the residents had their way, there’d be 20mph limits on all of the main roads too.

So much space has been dedicated to bus lanes and cycle lanes that there’s not enough room for the traffic to go fast, even if the speed limits were increased. In 2000, the last two gyratory junctions were removed – they were clogged solid with traffic anyway. All the inner ring road junctions have 20mph limits, and they are much less scary than the norm.

So what is it that gets people cycling? It’s not perfect facilities – Oxford is far from perfect. But by removing car parking, making good public transport easily available and by slowing down motor traffic, other cities could follow the example set by Oxford in removing would-be cyclists’ concerns and turning interest into action.

(Our emphasis)


And just look at the result!

Who'd have thought there were so many poor people in Oxford?

This poor lost soul continues to wear his suit, despite obviously
having fallen so far that he can no longer afford a car.
Sad.

No caption required.

Much more pictures of Oxford's unemployed, layabout hobbyists here.

And what about Cambridge? We're afraid that it's much the same story.

Cambridge has a large number of cyclists. Many residents also prefer cycling to driving in the narrow, busy streets, giving the city the highest level of cycle use in the UK. According to the 2001 census, 25% of residents travelled to work by bicycle. A few roads within the city are adapted for cycling, including separate traffic lights for cycle lanes and cycle contraflows on streets which are otherwise one-way.

(Again, our emphasis)

Those unsettling pictures were from here and here.

St Andrews, too! That's getting a bit close to home!

So, all this is very disheartening. If the photos of all those cyclists in Oxford or Cambridge are anything to go by, it seems that this urban ideopolis thing doesn't work, having the effect only of forcing so many people to walk, cycle or use the bus. This means they must be unemployed, either that or very poorly paid, because otherwise they'd have nice cars, wouldn't they? Oxford and Cambridge are setting very poor examples. If this is what happens in an ideopolis, we'll just leave it, thanks. Who needs clever people anyway? And what about all the carbon emissions from all the books that these people read? Eh? What about that, then? Hadn't thought about that, had you?

Thank goodness we urban realists in Aberdeen have more enlightened policies towards future economic growth and sustainability than those urban intellectuals elsewhere, what with our forthcoming radial urban expressway which will deliver high volumes of high-speed traffic into the city centre on the currently underused Denburn Dual Carriageway and our extremely exciting orbital motorway project, "The AWPR" (Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route) which will greatly increase the number, distance and velocity of car journeys undertaken throughout Aberdeen "City and Shire", thus ensuring our future prosperity without question, because more cars on more roads is what everyone wants, isn't it?

"Aha got you there!" we can hear the nimby naysayer greenies - "what about all the carbon emissions that this increase in traffic will cause?" Well, we have it on good authority that by the time the AWPR is open to traffic in 2012 2015 2025 tailpipe emissions will be water only, hydrogen powered cars having been made compulsory cars will be zero emission because of some as-yet un-proven battery technology we'll all be driving fusion powered hovercars. Yes we will. We saw it on the Jetsons.

And, in any case, what about all the greenhouse gas emissions which come from the manufacture of too many cycle helmets and high-visibility tabards? Again, we'll bet you hadn't thought about that.

Now, which is best?

Aberdeen:

Or an ideopolis?

We're sure that, when you examine the evidence, you'll probably agree with us.

Cycle Lane Use on Queens Road

As we're sure you already know, one of the very worst things about cyclists is the fact that they get in the way of your view when you're trying to get out of a T-junction.

That's why we're very pleased that the cycle lanes advance stop boxes for motorists have been provided on Aberdeen's Queens Road. They call them cycle lanes; we think that's to denote their function as lanes that you can enter when you want to see past the oncoming cyclists.



Perfect!

Dangerous Cyclist Forces Innocent Motorist SC59NHG to Risk Wing Mirror Bump

Deep within the so-called "cycling activist movement" in Aberdeen, our double-dealing double-agent lurks behind his deep-cover legend: "Codename JannieJumbo" - providing us with timely dispatches from the front-line of the ongoing war on motorists.

As part of his duties, "Codename JannieJumbo" left us this video in the dead-letter dropbox in the dress circle of the HM Theatre.



Oh for goodness sake! Did you see that? The reckless cyclist's behaviour on Aberdeen's Abergeldie Road was so poor that it not only did it cause the driver of that lovely Lexus IS reg. SC59NHG to break the speed limit, attempt an overtaking maneuver at an inappropriate location, execute that maneuver recklessly, ignoring the poor road conditions and the other motorist getting out of his parked car ahead, but it also forced the driver to risk getting a scratch on his nice 'obsidian' paintwork as he squeezes past. How awful! We notice that the Lexus driver was forced to actually 'flip the wingmirrors' using the power-assist option on this premium upscale vehicle in order to facilitate his vital overtaking maneuver.

"But - hold on!" we hear you exclaim. "What was it that was so reckless about this cyclist's behaviour? - I've looked at the video, and the cyclist seems to have done nothing wrong..." And that's true up to a point, but then, what you'd be forgetting is that cyclists do not pay Road Tax. This means they have no right to be on the road.

PaveParkers of the Week Special! Woodlands at Pitfodels.

For the second time this summer, the first time being back in early July, we have been spoiled for choice when it came to our weekly PaveParker award - and so, once again, the award goes to all the residents in a geographical location. That location is Woodlands "at Pitfodels". Let's have a quick run-through...

This 3-litre engined Toyota Landcruiser reg. 2MLS
is also a "PaveCruiser"!

VW Golf reg. SL54YOR
has used the traffic-calming raised table
to facilitate the Full PaveParking maneuver.
Advanced!

Hyundai Estate V6 CDX "Santa Fe" (oooooh!) reg. EK56TWX
has managed to snuggle in just by the bins.

And we're delighted to report that the next generation is in good hands.
The learner driver of this BMW X6 "xDrive30d Step Auto" (oooooooh!!)
has been taught not only to use the raised table to facilitate the Full PaveParking
maneuver, but also has been taught to 'flip the wingmirrors'.
Brilliant!

London School of Economics Embarasses Itself. Again

We have been passed a superficially horrifying report from the London School of Economics and Political Science (LSE) which supposedly details all the "benefits" of cycling - both economically and socially.

The report is full of hollow boasts like:

Increasing participation:

• Net addition of 1.3 million cyclists in 2010 take total UK cyclists to 13 million representing 27 per cent of the population, of these new cyclists 500,000 are frequent or regular Of total cyclists in the UK:
• • 3.5 million (41%) are Frequent Cyclists (those who cycle once a week or more)
  • 4.3 million (33%) are Regular Cyclists (those who cycled 12 or more times in the past year)
  • 3.5 million (27%) are Occasional Cyclists
• 208 million cycle journeys made in 2010
• Over 200,000 people took part in Sky Ride events across the UK in 2010
• 22,000 people daily share 5,000 bikes through the Mayor of London’s Barclays Cycle Hire scheme

Britain’s Cycling Economy - retail, manufacturing and services:

• £2.9 billion gross value of cycling to the UK economy, equalling a gross cycling product of £230 per cyclist per year
• 3.7 million bikes were sold in the UK in 2010 representing a 28 per cent increase over 2009 figures.
• Bike sales in the UK in 2010 had a retail value of £1.62 billion
• £51 million of UK retail sales was accounted for bikes manufactured in the UK
• The average price per bike in 2010 was £439, lower than an average bike price of £493 in 2009
• Around 2,000 retail stores currently operate across a spectrum of activities including sales, servicing, workshops, and other speciality areas
• There are around 1,000 additional independent specialist cycling shops

Britain’s Cycling Economy - value of individual cyclists:

Major segments	Bike sales	Total Accessories	Total Market
Occasional Cyclist	£664m	£116m	£780m
Regular Cyclist	£529m	£106m	£635m
Frequent Cyclist	£430m	£530m	£960m
Total	£1.62bn	£752m	£2.9bn

Britain’s Cycling Economy - employment contribution:

• The cycling economy generated an employment contribution of £500 million in 2010, including over £100 million in income tax and NI contributions, from an employment base of around 23,000
• A total of 1,700 Cycle Network jobs are estimated to be supported. These jobs generated £41 million in salaries in 2010 and £9 million in income tax and national insurance contributions

Britain’s Cycling Economy - absenteeism and health factors:

• Cycling to work is associated with less all-cause sickness absence. Mean absenteeism in cyclists is significantly lower than in non-cyclists with a significant relationship between frequent cycling and absenteeism, with regular cyclists taking 7.4 sick days per annum, compared to 8.7 sick days for non-cyclists
• Frequent cyclists save the economy £128 million in absenteeism per year, projected to save a further £1.6 billion in absenteeism over the next 10 years
• Compared with the rest of Europe, the UK has the highest number of sick days taken each year, with 225 million days estimated to have been taken in 2010 at a cost of £17 billion. This equates to around £600 per employee per annum, and an average of 7.7 days per person

Projected socio-economic benefits of wider participation in cycling:

• A 7 per cent rise in Frequent and Regular cyclists by 2013 could contribute £2 billion to the UK economy over the next two yearS
• Frequent and Regular cyclists could further save the economy £2 billion over a 10 year period in terms of reduced absenteeism
• A 20 per cent increase in current cycling levels by 2015 could save the economy £207 million in terms of reduced traffic congestion and £71 million in terms of lower pollution levels
• Latent demand for cycling could amount to around £516 million of untapped economic potential for the UK
• A 20 per cent increase in cycling levels by 2015 can save £107 million in reducing premature deaths and £52 million in NHS costs, and deliver £207 million and £71 million benefits in congestion and pollution

Well, we say all that's just a lot of rubbish and scaremongering.

And then, thinking about it, we can place this report in context... Do you remember? The LSE's links with Libya's Col. Gaddafi are a matter of record, and that the LSE's anti-car (and therefore anti-Aberdeen and by extension anti-UK economy) rant should have been published on the day that rebel fighters besiege Gaddafi's compound in Tripoli (at the time of writing) is simply too big a coincidence to discount. We remember the Colonel's warning that Europe faces "catastrophe" for backing the rebels. This LSE report is just the sort of half-cocked nonsense we were expecting. It's quite pathetic really and the LSE have embarrassed themselves again over this.

Thank goodness that we, like all the other drivers of Aberdeen Cars, have the intelligence and perspicacity to see this report for what it really is.

Report Author

Oh Doctor Beeching.... Thankyou!

A little while ago we wrote of Aberdeen and Grampian Chambers of Commerce (AGCC) and their exciting aspiration to run a thrilling futuristic monorail on the route of the old Deeside Railway instead of the useless Sustrans National Cycle Route 195 which currently occupies that transport corridor like some sort of freeloading dog-in-a-manger.

While the AGCC monorail proposal for the Old Deeside Line is brilliant and forward looking, we couldn't help but think that there was something not quite right - that the proposal was missing something obvious. We said that one of the benefits of the monorail would be the fact that it would likely put the bus-route along North Deeside Road out of business, thus freeing up precious road-space for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars. But perhaps we would be best to take a leaf out of the book developed by our English cousins in the South West, where plans are afoot to turn the disused Bath to Bristol railway (currently only used by arrogant horsey people, walkers, cyclists, joggers, dog walkers, children, old people and all sorts of other petrol-tax-dodging people who are either unemployed or underemployed - in short, people who don't count and about whom we don't like to think) into a rapid-transit bus corridor. We understand that these plans are currently on hold. While not as exciting, futuristic, thrilling and forward-thinking as our own railway path monorail, there is much to recommend the Bristol/Bath bus plan. Primarily the fact that it will immediately get the hated buses off the road, freeing up precious roadspace between Bristol and Bath for more and nicer cars and vans, like those driven by the nice people at Bristol Traffic.

Bristol/Bath Railway Path
(Photo by Steinsky via Wikimedia commons)

But, of course, all this is just stupid. What a lot of nonsense, to think of converting these paths for public transport, when much more obvious and pragmatic use is clear to see. Via a citizen contributer known only as "Edinburgh Tags", we hear of a better solution yet, and one pioneered here in Bonnie Scotland! A part of the former Edinburgh Suburban and Southside Junction Railway (as closed by the Sainted Beeching) has been turned by Network Rail into a road, for cars and vans. No mamby-pambying around with compromise public transport options (however thrilling or futuristic), they have cut straight to the chase and pragmatically decided that what the market economy really calls for, what's really needed in order for economic activity to flourish, is more roadspace for more cars and vans. The trackbeds of the railways closed by Doctor Beeching in our Nation's Capital are seen as an ideal solution to increase the stock of available roadspace in Edinburgh.

Enter here.

Passing space - thoughtful!

That sign's not there for cyclists, pedestrians or arrogant horsey people.
No, its there for the drivers of Edinburgh Cars to ignore!

So yes, the capital leads the way. We must follow their example and get rid of the walkers, cyclists and equestrians from these former railway line routes. Never mind thinking of a monorail. Discard thoughts of dedicated bus lanes. We should take a leaf out of Edinburgh's book and convert the Old Deeside Line Sustrans Route 195 into a road for cars immediately. Economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire" (and so, by extension the rest of UK "plc") would then be assured!

The only weird thing is that it's taken this long since Beeching closed the railways in the 1960's for this obvious and inevitable solution to be identified for all that dead space!

Walking Makes you Fat. Official.

An interesting document: Preventing Overweight and Obesity in Scotland - A Route Map Towards Healthy Weight has been passed to us by an informant. You can download the PDF here.

In it, we noticed fascinating insights into how infrastructure issues might be tackled in order to mitigate Scotlands obesity epidemic:

At an environmental level we can also imagine how increasing walkable pedestrian areas in our town centres, without parallel actions to influence the kinds of high calorie snacks and drinks offered by cafes, takeaways and convenience stores could have the opposite outcomes to those we intended by increasing exposure to energy-dense foods and drinks.

There you have it. Pedestrian areas are likely to make people fat, because they will walk past takaways, bakers, sweetie shops and the like and be unable to resist the temptation to indulge their fat selves. Far better indeed that these people be encouraged not to walk anywhere at all. Much better that they stay in their cars, where they will definitely not be tempted by high calorie foods.

Yesterday we demonstrated how the evil curse of pedestrianisation, as it spreads across the USA, has caused market turmoil and stock market crashes. Now we know that it also causes obesity. Pedestrianisation (or roadspace reallocation, as it is sometimes known) must be stopped. If you agree, you should join our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway from the sinister forces of roadspace re-allocation. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.

Coincidence?

Here at Aberdeen Cars we love America and All Things American. Yes we do. We've been to Houston and we just love it!

So we're disturbed, very disturbed, by some of the anti-car news which seems to be coming out of America recently.

First, the pedestrianisation sorry 'pedestrianization' of Times Square and other bits of Broadway.

Then we hear of the burgeoning cycle movement in places like Minneapolis and Portland with their high number of segregated bike lanes, municipal bike racks, bike 'boulevards' (huh?) and other stuff we either don't understand or don't want to understand.

But now, and this is the worst, we noticed this on the TV:


Yes, that's Wall Street - the very name synonymous with buccaneering capital - has had one of New Yorks 'pedestrian plazas' imposed upon it over the last few weeks.

And just look what happened!!!!!



Coincidence? We don't think so...

VergeParker of the Week! SV53PVN

Continuing our exciting occasional series of "VergeParking" advocacy, this week we have picked out the driver of Aberdeen Car Peugot 206 LX reg. SV53PVN, spotted wearing out the verges on the city's Sheddocksly Drive.

While not as upscale and salubrious as the VergeParking in Summerhill which, we pointed out earlier, we must applaud the aspirations of this VergeParker in the social housing area of Sheddocksly (where the mortgages - if any! - are not quite so big).

Yes indeed, the driver of this Aberdeen Car knows that Aberdeen is "Tycoon Town" and that if you're not a tycoon already, you will be one soon. And the best way to become a rich oil-tycoon is to ape the behaviour patterns of the already-affluent. Even if you have just a tiny 1.1 litre engine.

Careless Cyclist Forces Innocent Drivers to Risk License Endorsement Points

Checking the dead letter drop-box behind the "This Roundabout is Sponsored by Talisman Energy" sign on the roundabout at the junction between Aberdeen's Great Southern Road and Holburn Street, we found this video had been left for us by our filthy duplicitous double agent "Codename JannieJumbo", operating, as he does, from behind his deep cover legend as a so-called "activist" within what is laughably called the Aberdeen cycling "community".




Bloody hell! Did you see that? This careless cyclist's behaviour on Aberdeen's Broomhill Road was so awful that it not only did it cause the driver of the Renault Clio reg CF53DNH to choose an inappropriate spot for an overtaking maneuver, break the speed limit, swerve alarmingly and risk crashing into oncoming vehicles, but it also forced the driver of the second, blue VW Passat to risk penalty points and a fine by making him (as you've seen, forcing him to) execute a pointless close-pass overtaking maneuver in the vicinity of a T-junction.

"But - hold on!" we hear you exclaim. "What was it that was so reckless about this cyclist's behaviour? - I've looked at the video, and the cyclist seems to have done nothing wrong..." And that's true up to a point, because what the video cannot show is the privileged information we have access to through our contact with "Codename JannieJumbo".

That information is the fact that this cyclist was not wearing a high-visibility tabard at the time. (Thus absolving the blameless motorists of any and all liability for their actions.)

Getting Really Fed Up With "Menace" Cyclists in Aberdeen

We're losing patience with "menace" cyclists in Aberdeen "City and Shire". Our hard-earned road taxes go on building them all this lovely new cycling infrastructure whenever we build a new urban expressway dual carriageway into the heart of our wonderful Northern City.

And do these ungrateful freeloading cyclists use this infrastructure? Do they heck!

Queens Road Full PaveParking Bonanza! R15TNM, SV56NEF & A15JJG

Following our PaveParking special feature last month when we featured the range of strageties and tactics employed by the parkers of Aberdeen Cars on the city's prestigious, upscale west-end avenue - Queen's Road - "Royal Boulevard of the North", we're delighted to report that our PaveParking challenge meme has been spreading like wildfire along this most salubrious of streets, where we're now delighted to report that Full PaveParking is the order of the day!

In the following photo-essay, we see three drivers of Aberdeen Cars (and Vans!) employ Full PaveParking, thus ensuring that only the right kind of people use this thoroughfare. Pedestrians only make the place look, em, poor. We say they should be stamped out and congratulate the Full PaveParkers of Queen's Road for striking the first blow in wiping out what we will now call the "odd footpeople".

R15TNM

SV56NEF

A15JJG

Foreign Cycling "Culture"

Pedal-cycle use in foreign cities is a cultural thing. Not the sort of thing that could possibly catch on here, because it has never been embraced by our sort of people.

And as if to demonstrate exactly what we mean by that, just take a look at this barbaric display by the so-called "Mayor" of Vilnius. Which used to be in the Soviet Union. Say no more.



Barbaric. Imagine if someone were to do that to an Aberdeen Car!

PaveParker of the Week! WVM SW07DTF

Congratulations to this week's PaveParker of the Week, the White Van Man driver of Aberdeen Van reg. SW07DTF who has used the dropped kerb facility to enable the "Double-yellow Straddle" on the corner of Aberdeen's Broomhill Road and Balmoral Place.

It's not quite as exciting as the examples of Cornerish Parking shown by our mentors at Bristol Traffic, but we should congratulate our local WVM of the North for showing willing at least.

Dangerous Cyclist Forces Innocent Drivers to Risk No-Claims Bonus

Once again, our slimy slug of a double agent has left us video-footage in the dead-letter drop box beneath the Ruthrieston Pack Horse Bridge. What 'Codename JannieJumbo' caught on camera this time, operating in deep cover from behind his legend in the so-called "active travel activist" movement in Aberdeen, really shocked us.



Oh my God! Did you see that? This irresponsible cyclist's dangerous behaviour caused not only the driver of Aberdeen Car reg P896TGE to ignore a hand signal and pass too close for safety, but also the reckless cyclist made the taxi driver of Aberdeen Taxi reg KY55CCD overtake dangerously, ignoring the cyclist's hand signal and into the path of oncoming traffic - and all for nothing, being held up at the roundabout which was only 50 yards away anyway.

"But - hold on!" we hear you exclaim. "What was it that was so reckless about this cyclist's behaviour? - I've looked at the video, and the cyclist seems to have done nothing wrong..." And that's true up to a point, because what the video cannot show is the privileged information we have access to through our contact with "Codename JannieJumbo".

That information is the fact that this cyclist pedal-cycle was not equipped with a bell at the time. (Thus absolving the blameless motorists of any liability for their actions.)

Negligent Cyclist Forces Innocent Motorist YP59DFO to Risk Fixed Penalty

Deep within the so-called "sustainable transport movement" in Aberdeen, our double-dealing double-agent lurks behind his deep-cover legend: "Codename JannieJumbo" - providing us with timely dispatches from the front-line of the ongoing war on motorists.

As part of his duties, "Codename JannieJumbo" left us this video in the dead-letter dropbox underneath the most racist part of the King Edward VII statue at the corner of Union Terrace and Union Bridge.



Oh for goodness sake! Did you see that? The reckless cyclist's behaviour on Aberdeen's Forest Avenue was so poor that it not only did it cause the driver of the Ford C-Max Estate "Style" (ooooh!) reg. YP59DFO to break the speed limit, attempt an overtaking maneuver at an inappropriate location, execute that maneuver recklessly, ignoring the poor road contitions and roadworks ahead, but it also forced the driver to risk getting a scratch on his nice paintwork as he squeezes past. Nasty.

"But - hold on!" we hear you exclaim. "What was it that was so reckless about this cyclist's behaviour? - I've looked at the video, and the cyclist seems to have done nothing wrong..." And that's true up to a point, because what the video cannot show is the privileged information we have access to through our contact with "Codename JannieJumbo".

That information is the fact that this cyclist was not wearing a cycle-helmet at the time. (Thus absolving the blameless motorists of all liability for their actions.)

New Parking Opportunities on the Lang Stract

An exciting range of new parking opportunities for the hard-pressed drivers of Aberdeen Cars has opened up on the city's Lang Stracht (for those who don't have The Scots tongue - that's a street-name which means "long and straight")

For so long this long straight road which connects the west of the city to the suburbs of Kingswells, Westhill and beyond has been blighted by those dog-in-a-manger mandatory bike lanes (that's the ones with the solid lines which motorists may not enter - despite paying for them via road taxes!) These bike lanes have been "supported" by double-yellow lines, thus robbing us of our right to park in them, and have provided continuous and integrated cycling infrastructure like in abroad. This makes us feel uncomfortable, because we don't like change and we're not used to foreign things.

Before

For those reasons, we're delighted to see that, at the former site of the Cocker's Garden Centre (now developed as housing association homes) the gap in the bike lane and double-yellows which had been the entrance to the garden centre has not yet been annexed by the rabid menacing cylists and their politically correct traffic engineers with their funny foreign ideas.

Because there is no cycle lane at this spot, and becasue there are no double-yellows, this provides an excellent new parking opportunity for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars VW Golf reg. Y300SUF and Honda Civic "Sport" (ooooh!) reg. W89RGB.

Today

We were particularly pleased that the drivers of these Aberdeen Cars chose to park there, because their actions completely destroy the continuous and integrated nature of the cycling infrastructure which had hitherto linked Aberdeen with its western suburbs. Very well done indeed!

RAC Foundation - Splitters!

What's going on at the RAC Foundation? It's as if they've changed sides in the War on the Motorist!

Their latest press release:

Petrol prices fuel cost of eurozone holidays

3 August 2011

Drivers of cars using unleaded petrol will be in for a shock when they fill up in some of the most popular holiday destinations on the continent this summer

Contrary to popular myth - and despite the financial turmoil across much of the eurozone – the UK does not have the most expensive petrol prices in Europe.

Using the current tourist exchange rate, eight of the 17 countries which use the Euro as their national currency are shown to charge more at the pumps for unleaded fuel than the UK.

Amongst eurozone nations the most expensive fuel is to be found in Greece (£1.55 per litre), followed by The Netherlands (£1.54) and then France and Belgium (both £1.47). After that comes Portugal and Italy (both £1.45), Finland (£1.42) and Germany (£1.40). In the UK the current unleaded price is £1.36 per litre.

Well, the RAC has gone a bit "off-road" there, hasn't it? How are we to continue with our motorist activism and advocacy when one of our central tenets is undermined by what we had hitherto assumed to be one of our best and most respected pro-motoring advocates. A dig amongst the RAC Foundation media centre hinted at the problem:

Informing the debate

The RAC Foundation is happy to provide evidence-based comment where appropriate to help inform the transport debate.

And there you have it, those words "evidence-based". That's not what's needed for furthering the cause of Aberdeen Cars (and all our brother and sister pressure groups) at all. What's needed is ill-founded assertions based on indignant self-regard - in other words, what we call "common sense".

We've found other examples of the RAC's "evidence-based" research on their website; research like:

"The Car in British Society" (pdf)
This pamphlet has, as one of its a priori assumptions:

...the [fact that] unrestrained use of motor vehicles, especially in urban areas, produces real public disadvantages.

To which we say: "No it doesn't! What are you talking about? You're just jealous of my nice car! What's wrong... can't you afford a nice car?"

The RAC pamphlet uses as its background an earlier RAC "study" - Car Dependence - of which they say:

The study identified a group of users and trip purposes (‘the low hanging fruit’) that could relatively easily be encouraged to reduce their car use (mainly through transfer to other modes).

Of course, what the RAC have failed to recognise is the fact that most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and toucan crossings and the like for freeloading cyclists and pedestrians (what we now call "odd footpeople").

Additionally, most people in Aberdeen invest a lot of time and money in their cars. This is a natural way of gaining respect from those who will see them in their nice cars with cherished plates. To spoil this effect (e.g. when freeloaders overtake them on a bike or bus) infuriates us drivers of these nice cars. - This is completely understandable. Cycling must therefore be stamped out, bus lanes scrapped and all pedestrain odd footpeople footways parked upon as often as possible. What are we waiting for?

So, forget what the RAC splitters say, they're just wrong.

Many, many more RAC anti-car rants can be found in pamphlet form on their website, anti car rants like:

"Die Hard Drivers are still wedded to their cars"
Trends in Modal Shift (PDF)

Car Dependence
"...twenty percent of car journeys could be made by transport other than the car."

The Effectiveness of Speed Cameras (PDF)
"It is clear that collisions and casualties decreased substantially at the more
than 4000 sites covered by the four-year evaluation. [...] Deployment of speed cameras leads to appreciable reductions in speed in the vicinity of the cameras and substantial reductions in collisions and casualties there over and above the likely effects of regression to the mean."

VergeParker of the Week! S891NSA

Yes, VergeParking. It's a bit like PaveParking, but you must be a bit posher in order to have both pedestrian footway and greensward separating your stately drive from the public throroughfare. This offers a whole huge variety of parking options for your lovely variety of cars.

Up on Aberdeen's stately Summerhill Road, where the high-status leafyness is surpassed only by the size of the mortgages, we noted this lovely car parked fetchingly on the greensward inboard of the pedestrian footway.

Yes, Mercedes Benz CLK Coupé 230K Elegance (oooooh!) reg. S891NSA cuts quite a dash on the turf, with front wheels jaunting excitingly outwards like that. But what's that in the windscreen?

Ah, yes, the owner of this lovely Aberdeen Car has put it up for sale. And for only £2300. What a bargain!

We can only speculate why the owner of this prestigious Aberdeen Car would want shot of it. Perhaps they've run out of room on their stately drive?

Reckless Cyclist Forces Innocent Drivers to Break Law

Yet more footage from our sneaking snitchy double agent "Codename JanniJumbo". Reporting back from his mission in deep cover within Aberdeen's so-called "cycling advocacy community", he left us this video in the secret dead-letterbox buried deep in the peat at Moss of Rotten.



Gosh, did you see that? The reckless cyclist's behaviour on Bucksburn's Bankhead Road was so poor that it not only did it cause the driver of the Gold VW Golf reg SA02XPY to break the speed limit, swerve alarmingly and risk crashing into the pedestrian refuge island, but it also forced the driver of the second, high-revving blue car to risk penalty points and a fine by making him (as you've seen, forcing him to) ignore the keep left sign.

"But - hold on!" we hear you exclaim. "What was it that was so reckless about this cyclist's behaviour? - I've looked at the video, and the cyclist seems to have done nothing wrong..." And that's true up to a point, because what the video cannot show is the privileged information we have access to through our contact with "Codename JannieJumbo".

That information is the fact that this cyclist was not wearing a helmet at the time. (Thus absolving the blameless motorists of all liability for their actions.)