Monorail Solution

Recent blue-sky thinking for the future shape of economic growth in Aberdeen "City and Shire" has included all sorts of exciting, futurisic themes and schemes like high speed monorails and space-age glass domes covering the city centre. We think it's all very thrilling!

Old Deeside Line
Sustrans Route 195
at Milltimber

It has been pointed out that these ideas are, of course, in the realm of 'visions' and lack achievability. But, some pragmatic voices have spoken out. In particular, we like the fact that it has been reported that one unnamed Aberdeen and Grampian Chamber of Commerce member has suggested monorails as a "solution" to the transport linkage along the Old Deeside Line.

A solution? As some readers might be aware, the railway that sainted Beeching shut - the Deeside Line from Aberdeen to Ballater - has recently been awarded Sustrans National Route status. That means that those poor cycling and walking people and arrogant horsey people feel that they're being looked after in some way. So what "solution" could be required?

Well, it's subtle, but the logic is devastating. When people walk or cycle it costs them nothing. They get all the way to work or the shops for no extra cost whatsoever. Now, according to the RAC the average person running the average car pays about £550 per month for the privilege. And the average rate of earnings is about £11/hour. Therefore the average person works about 50 hours per month purely to own the car that they use to get them to and from work.

Sydney Monorail
Harbour to Airport

We think that this is absolutely ridiculous. The freeloading pedestrians and cyclists should be made to pay like everyone else. Therefore we think that the so-called Sustrans National Route 195 should be replaced with a high-tech expensive monorail, with ticket prices approaching but just less than those of the hated bus route which runs parallel on North Deeside Road. The monorail will therefore put the bus out of business - making more space on the exclusive prestigious North Deeside Road for the important drivers of Lovely Aberdeen Cars, and the monorail will force those who currently walk or cycle on on the Old Deeside Line to pay for their journey, as much as £10 for a return to Peterculter once the bus has been competed off the route.

That way, the freeloaders will have to work harder and for longer hours to make up the extra cost of their getting to work. And in turn, that harder work for longer hours will contribute to economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire". Genius! Monorail for the Old Deeside Line!

Dogs in Mangers put Bypass and Denburn Dual Carriagway Under Threat

Our deep-cover double-agent "Codename JannieJumbo" sent us these pictures from deep within his embedded position as part of Aberdeen's increasingly beleaguered cycling fraternity. The photos are taken from the so-called "Old Deeside Line", which is supposedly now "Route 195" on the "National Cycle Network". Whatever that is.

These pictures are taken facing west, near the former site of Milltimber Station, looking towards Milltimber Brae Road. The entrance to the Camphill Estate can be made out in the upper right quadrant of the first photo. From left to right (south to north) this is the route of the forthcoming special category road (motorway) the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route (AWPR), or just: "The Bypass" as we like to call it. This 45 km road had been due to open in 2012.

Firstly we were delighted to see that things are progressing at last - surveyors in the field, marking out carriageway widths - laying down flags and markers - is that a theodolite?


But then, taking a closer look, our mouths went dry - our hearts sank - our cheeks flushed with anger. Those aren't surveyors; they are young girls. Those aren't flags and markers; they are show-jumps! Those aren't theodolites; they are horses!


Frankly, we were horrified. Horrified on so many levels. Firstly, these people must know full well that they are playing games on the bed of the forthcoming motorway. So they are deliberately and provocatively rubbing the hard-pressed motorist's nose in the fact that some nimby naysayers court action is delaying the start of work on The Bypass.

Secondly, these people are beyond our understanding.  Why aren't they safe and cozy inside a nice car? Don't they know that horse-riding is as dangerous as taking drugs? No, we don't understand. The only possible reason they could be out there showing off with their ad-hoc gymkhana is to anger motorists with their highly provocative dog-in-a-manger attitude: "Look we're simply mucking about where your bypass is supposed to go but isn't". They've even parked their spare horses on the location of the critical SUDS drainage system for the motorway. These people have no shame!




Flaunting their petrol-free horse-use in front of tax-paying motorists, these arrogant horsey people are one of the critical-path barriers to a modern car-based transport system from the 1950's for Aberdeen "City and Shire". The sort of modern car-based transport system that culminates in a huge dual carriageway without pedestrian access wafting high-speed busy shoppers directly into the centre of covered malls in the heart of the historic city centre. We mean, of course, the now-threatened Denburn Dual Carriageway.

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