Off-road Segregated Cycle Facilities

Our undercover agent - Codename JannieJumbo - has been beavering away under deep cover, active within Aberdeen's so-called cycling activist 'community' documenting how our hard-earned road-taxes are being diverted, being spent on high-quality facilities for the tax-dodging cyclits and pestestrians.

In this video which he left for us to pick up in his dead-letterbox drop behind the verdigris smeared pipes in the third cubicle along of the derelict Union Terrace Gardens toilets, he shows that our petrol-tax money is being spent on a pleasant leafy cycletrack which runs past the headquarters of the Total Oil company in Altens.

The provocative irony that petrol-using motorists' tax contributions should be spent on cycling facilities which skirt the campus of one of the great petrol companies is not lost on us. That's probably why they've wisely invested so much on the security measures highlighted in the video - like hard-pressed drivers of Aberdeen Cars, the oilco's themselves feel embattled, put upon, besieged by cyclits and pestestrians.



Still, at least when Codename JannieJumbo arrives at Wellington Road to use the Toucan Crossing he is forced to wait while the significantly more important motor-vehicle users roar busily past on their way to create yet more vital economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire". Everyone knows that cyclits and pestestrians are far less important to the local economy than motorists. That's why it is gratifying to us that even their much-vaunted 'cycling and walking infrastructure' hammers home this fundamental point. These people simply do not count.

W237RGE: "This Road is for CARS, Not Perverts".

An intriguing video submission from our undercover agent, embedded deep within the Aberdeen cycling activist advocacy "movement".

In the footage, the driver of Aberdeen Car Landrover Freelander Station Wagon reg. W237RGE makes a full and clear statement of his rights. These include:

1. The exclusive right to the road, which is "for cars".
2. The right to drive at speed directly at the users of other modes of transport who must at all times "give way to a car".
3. The right to drive at any speed, regardless of road conditions.
4. The right to indignantly dismiss the safety concerns of users of non-car modes of transport.
5. The right to suspect anyone who is not in a car of being a predatory sex-pervert, and to accuse them of such.

It is of no consequence that the Land Reform Scotland Act of 2003 granted a statutory right of responsible access to paths like these throughout Scotland. It matters not a jot that this track is a local-council designated and waymarked outdoor access "Core Path" for pedestrians, cyclists and horse-riders. It is not apposite that this road is used daily by cycle-commuters, pupils on their way to and from school, old folk enjoying the outdoors, dog-walkers exercising their pets and teen delinquents on minimotos - about these people we care not a jot.

That a statement of rights so complete, so concise and so correct that we believe it to be comparable in quality and importance to the US Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights should come from the mouth of the driver of an Aberdeen Car fills us with immense pride. Whadda guy!

Enjoy: