New Parking Opportunities on the Lang Stract

An exciting range of new parking opportunities for the hard-pressed drivers of Aberdeen Cars has opened up on the city's Lang Stracht (for those who don't have The Scots tongue - that's a street-name which means "long and straight")

For so long this long straight road which connects the west of the city to the suburbs of Kingswells, Westhill and beyond has been blighted by those dog-in-a-manger mandatory bike lanes (that's the ones with the solid lines which motorists may not enter - despite paying for them via road taxes!) These bike lanes have been "supported" by double-yellow lines, thus robbing us of our right to park in them, and have provided continuous and integrated cycling infrastructure like in abroad. This makes us feel uncomfortable, because we don't like change and we're not used to foreign things.

Before

For those reasons, we're delighted to see that, at the former site of the Cocker's Garden Centre (now developed as housing association homes) the gap in the bike lane and double-yellows which had been the entrance to the garden centre has not yet been annexed by the rabid menacing cylists and their politically correct traffic engineers with their funny foreign ideas.

Because there is no cycle lane at this spot, and becasue there are no double-yellows, this provides an excellent new parking opportunity for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars VW Golf reg. Y300SUF and Honda Civic "Sport" (ooooh!) reg. W89RGB.

Today

We were particularly pleased that the drivers of these Aberdeen Cars chose to park there, because their actions completely destroy the continuous and integrated nature of the cycling infrastructure which had hitherto linked Aberdeen with its western suburbs. Very well done indeed!

"Codename JannieJumbo" Demonstrates Cycling's Inadequacy

We're pleased that our deep-cover operative lurking and smirking from behind his "legend" within the Aberdeen "Cycling Activist" community is beginning to come back into the fold.

In this video, which he left in our new dead-letterbox on the top-deck of the Union Square car-park, he demonstrates just how much superiority there is in "vehicular" behaviour - the poor fella! He's cycling as if it's a car!

MORE BAD NEWS for Aberdeen Cars.

What is it with that Phillip Hammond? No sooner does he declare an end to the War on Motorists, than his government put up VAT, petrol tax, and inflation. It'll be interest rates next.

Hard pressed motorists are faced with some difficult choices. Spending money on essentials like filling the tank is of course sacrosanct, so other areas of expenditure will have to 'take the hit'. Clothes, food, toothpase and books are now unaffordable luxuries - we don't really need these things, but we do really need to drive around in the car.

But worse than all this, we learned that Aberdeen transport is hitting the headlines internationally, but for all the wrong reasons. Our undercover agents deep within the socialist/green cycling conspiracy community alerted us to this piece of news on the filthy pro-cycling agitation website "Copenhagenize", the misguided (or more likely, malicious) writers of which try to force their aim of "building better bicycle cultures" (whatever that means) onto the transport systems of the English speaking world, where we already have cars. Which are better than bicycles. Duh! We don't need bicycles! We have already upgraded!

Anyhow, here's what our snitches reported:

Link:
International Bicycle Infrastructure: Aberdeen

The post features this video which was shot on the Westhill Cycleway.



The video contains the caption "It's like being in Holland".

Well, yes. If you think that cycling is big, clever and a viable alternative to the car, then you must be on drugs. Just like being in Holland!

This provides unequivocal proof that all cyclists are drug-addled hippies. You can see them, in the video.

Westhill Cycleway

Much money has been wasted recently on upgrading a perfectly adequate cycle lane which runs parallel to the Westhill dual carriageway, much to the chagrin of the heavily tax-farmed motorists who continue to suffer from the pot-holed 3rd-World-standard roads of Aberdeen 'City and Shire'. Why should the VIP motorists who are the ONLY source of economic growth in the area continue to pamper the unemployed hippy lycra-clad vegetarian tax-avoiding fringes of society with subsidies while being forced to endure substandard infrastructure themselves?

It was great to see our pro-motorist local press intervene to orchestrate a campaign aimed at putting a stop to this waste of road-tax payers' money.

Anyway, despite what the moaning-minnie cyclist anti-car warriors say, the Westhill Cyclepath is fine. They should be grateful.



See - plenty room for the cyclist and the jogger - nobody got hurt, did they?

But, these are safety-conscious days, and it's good to see that - further into town - some considerate motorists have taken the plight of the cyclist to heart. To discourage the poor dears from venturing so far out of town onto the dangerous Westhill cycle path, philanthropic, compassionate and civic minded motorists taken the initiative to block the cycle lane (or parking lane as we like to call it) as it rounds the Hill of Rubislaw. This is what David Cameron means when he speaks of his "Big Society".



The cyclists confronted by this blockage must either then enter the tax-payer lane - thus getting in the way of the more-important-than-them VIP motor traffic - or use the pavement. Which isn't allowed.

But, there is of course, a way out: a way to give up on their fruitless quest to be 'different', to stop trying to 'stand out from the crowd'. Nobody likes a show-off, so we'd all prefer that the cyclists were helped to conform with the vast majority of transport users in Aberdeen 'City and Shire'.

So here the misguided cyclist is offered a perfect solution. Enterprisingly (and what else would you expect from a clever motorist?) the owner of Mercedes Benz Vito 111CDi Traveliner YN10 GBU is offering the vehicle for sale.



They have even helpfully applied their phone number to the rear windscreen for the disappointed cyclist to note down and make use of. It's 07827 300777.

As their cycle lane is used for much-needed free parking and advertising space - the cyclists are offered a new world of conformity, comfort and safety in a silver-grey German car. It's for their own good.