A blog about cars in Aberdeen.

This is a blog about cars in Aberdeen because most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists.

Friday, 29 April 2011

Transport Congestion is a Hot Topic in Election

Yes. Yes it is. Yes it is it is it is.

Congratulations to our local newspaper of record, the ancient and venerable Press and Journal, for the headline:

Transport and congestion on the route north is a hot topic on the doorsteps

In a long and rambling piece which mostly covers the all-very-boring changes to the constituency boundaries in the upcoming Hollyrood election and how they affect the seat of South Aberdeen and North Kindardine, the article goes on to mention "local issues including transport" just the once in the entirety of its 1050 words. There is just one mention of congestion and, indeed, it is reported that "campaigners from all parties have also called for improvements to public transport for commuters in the shire, including better rail services for the towns of Portlethen and Newtonhill." Ugh. What's wrong with these people?

So well done to the P&J for hiding this upsetting truth behind a banner headline which appears to put cars centre-stage. As busy important drivers of Aberdeen Cars, for whom the building of the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route bypass is the number one life-aim, we applaud this.

Our number two life aim is to save the Denburn Dual Carriageway. Support our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Urban Realists vs. Urban Intellectuals

An informant has passed us a couple of links to PDF reports on the Aberdeen City Council website from which we can infer the institution of a bizarre anti-car-ownership policy by our council.


The texts refer to the setting up of a so-called "car club" in Aberdeen. Not only will the vehicles for this weird "car-sharing" (eh?) scheme sit dog-in-a-manger like on the street in parking spaces which should by rights be the preserve of proper motorists who own their own cars and pay road tax, but these "car club" motors will be made available to non-car owners! Indeed, it is expected that existing car owners who join "car club" will give up car ownership! Honestly! You couldn't make this stuff up!

From one of the council reports:
Broadly speaking, a car club is an organisation that owns or leases, and maintains, a fleet of cars from which its members can book a vehicle whenever they need it. The club pays for tax, insurance, servicing, cleaning and fuel, whereas members pay a joining fee and a subsequent fee for each journey made. 48 cities or towns in the UK (including London of course) currently operate successful car clubs. The concept has only failed once, in Liverpool, because of vandalism in poorly lit areas. Studies by Carplus, a national charity supporting responsible car use, have shown that 10% of car club members will give up owning a car or sell a second family car or defer owning a car in the first place. Typically, this results in ten vehicles slipping off the radar for each car club vehicle. The environmental benefits are evident, and individuals are encouraged to consider more closely whether they really need a car, or (more likely) whether they really need a second one.
Clearly this plan is a “green” initiative – dreamed up by politicians and “urban intellectuals” – to reduce the number of cars in the city centre by trying to persuade people that they don’t need cars. Hahahahahaha!

From an urban realist’s perspective, this initiative will have little effect on city centre traffic which has become a problem as a result of poor planning: over the last 30+ years, developers have over-developed city centre sites by being allowed to “buyout” the lack of parking.

The motor car has been around for more than 100 years. It is quite unacceptable for the Council to be treating city centre residents and visitors as pariahs for daring to own cars. What these "urban intellectuals" fail to realise is that we urban realists represent the majority of people in Aberdeen who aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people like the "urban intellectuals" expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists, pavements and the like for freeloading pedestrians and parking bays and the like for freeloading car-club members.

For this reason car club will fail in Aberdeen.

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

PaveParker of the Week! SV59ZDP

It's that time again: that time when we celebrate the innovative parking strategies of the enterprising drivers of Aberdeen Cars. Yes, it's time to give out our PaveParker of the Week Award!

This weeks PaveParker of the Week is the driver of Aberdeen Car Mitsubushi L200 DC 4x4 custom Pickup "Warrior" (ooooooh!) reg. SV59ZDP.

Engaged in Full PaveParking, with all for of his or her wheels on the pavement, the driver of this Aberdeen Car has used the dopped-kerb accessibility feature of the pavements in the city's exclusive prime property Kepplestone development in the heart of the upscale west end in order to facilitate the PaveParking maneuver for this off-road capable vehicle.

Off the road, and onto the pavement.

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

A Warning from the Capital

We have been passed some photos which show a nightmarish distopian future for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars. These photos were taken over the weekend in London's central Bloomsbury Area and demonstrate just how far the sinister forces of roadspace reallocation have penetrated into the public sphere in the capital.

First - just look at the size of those new pavements! The carriageway has been reduced to a tiny channel in the centre while the pampered pestestrians get all the space! Shocking.

Secondly, and even worse - in this photo an entire lane has been given over to the cyclits for a two-way fully segregated cycle lane in the Dutch style (nearly). Those freeloaders using up important roadspace. In the capital! What sort of example does this set the rest of the country?

The cyclits even get their own traffic lights. We don't know whether to laugh or cry.

We can, however, console ourselves with one thought: This area of central London where the forces of roadspace re-assignment have made such egregious strides onto the tarmac (which is our dearly paid-for right) is Bloomsbury. Home to intellectuals and host to colleges, universities, galleries and/or museums (what's the difference?). Thank Ford that we in Aberdeen are unencumbered by such people or institutions which might impinge on discourse in the public realm. Everyone knows that a city is nothing but the sum of the businesses which operate within it. And everyone knows that the only people who work for those businesses and who create the economic demand which those businesses fulfill are motorists. The authorities in London have made a wrong turn. The truth that they avoid recognising is that most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people like those so-called intellectuals in Bloomsbury expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and wider pavements and the like for freeloading cyclists and pestestrians.

We must be careful not to repeat their mistake.

Monday, 25 April 2011

Essential Services - Granite City Fish Co. Ltd Y59TGG

It's great to see some old traditions still flourishing - in this case, fresh fish delivered to your door, via the pavement of Deemount Road, at its corner with Deemount Gardens in Aberdeen's sought-after and popular Ferryhill area. And it's also great to see the old traditions blending with the new - PaveParkVertising, of course!

Of course, fishmongering(?) is a demanding discipline, requiring ultra-high standards of cleanliness and hygiene, so we're sure that the nasty corrosion and filth which is evident on the rear doors of the van are not replicated on the inside, where the food is kept.

Friday, 22 April 2011

Further Yet More Road Closed Misery!

Another Road Closed!
Ugh! This is getting beyond a joke. Our increasingly smug (Stockholm syndrome?) double agent - Codename "Janniejumbo" - operating from his deep cover legend within the so-called cycling activist 'fraternity' left us a new microfilm in the latest dead-letter box behind the Denburn Heritage Dual Carriageway commemorative plaque on Rosemount Viaduct.

Haudagain Roundabout
Look at the congestion!
In this film, he exposes the fact that what should be a super-secret rat run for important motorists travelling between Rosehill to Bucksburn and avoiding the Haudagain Roundabout (second-worst roundabout in Britain) has been closed to all traffic but pestestrians, cyclits and arrogant horsey people.

It's a disgrace! We demand that this vital piece of nationally-important infrastructure be opened for use by the drivers of Abedeen Cars immediately. Not only that, we also want the planned 'improvements' at the Haudagain Roundabout to proceed immediately. The demolition of the tenement blocks at Logie and Manor to make way for a relief road will make a hundred or so people homeless, but - em, whatever! That's DSS-land anyway. About these people we care not one jot.

In any case, we like the council's choice of words about the necessity to demolish the tenements in Logie and Manor - they say that building a relief road on the site of these homes will:
...contribute to the City Council’s regeneration aims by complementing the development of the Logie/Manor area of Middlefield.

Contributing and Complementing

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Rage against Communist Death-Worship

Word comes from undertakers "The Co-operative Funeralcare" that road rage against funeral corteges has become commonplace with over half of all drivers having witnessed incidents against processions. The report says:
Funeral processions are expected to obey all the usual traffic rules but impatient drivers are no longer showing a passing cortege the respect which was once commonplace.
The top five regions/countries with highest instances of road rage are:
  • Northern England
  • Scotland
  • South East England
  • South West England
  • Northern Ireland
These findings are independently backed by the views of the funeral directors themselves from The Co-operative Funeralcare, who admitted that one in five funeral corteges are disrupted directly as a result of lack of concern or awareness by other road users.
“The situation has got increasingly worse over the years, with more traffic on today’s roads and people’s busier lifestyles,” said David Collingwood, Operations Director for The Co-operative Funeralcare.
This is disgusting. Quite upsetting really. What these death-worshiping co-op communists fail to recognise is that most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people like them behave as if they own the road and expect we hard-pressed motorists to (quote):
  • Slow down
  • Keep your distance
  • Don’t cut into the funeral procession
  • Don’t use your horn
  • Give the cortege right of way
  • Turn down music
Note that this is exactly the sort of stuff we tend to hear from show-off cyclits and arrogant horsey people.

As lefty co-operative people these death-worshiping undertakers have a lot in common with cyclists and so probably don't understand the dynamics of the free market. There's therefore no way they can appreciate that busy important people in nice cars have to hurry - either to work to shuffle figures about on a spreadsheet, or to the shops - both the only sure-fire sources of the economic growth. How do the dead contribute to economic growth? They don't.

It's comforting to note that the Institute of Advanced Motorists agrees with us, as confirmed by this quote from IAM chief examiner Peter Rodger:
With the increasing pace and pressure that people feel in life, it is not surprising that there is less respect and patience for funeral processions, with the ... delay they represent.
Yes. Funerals shouldn't be allowed to use the roads which we have to pay through the nose for. Especially not co-operative funerals, which are communist.

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

PaveParker of the Week! Y417XGB


This weeks deserved winner of our PaveParker of the Week award is the driver of Aberdeen Car Ford Focus Estate 1.6 LX reg. Y417XGB who has pioneered a brand new technique for parking on the streets and pavements of Aberdeen:

Yes, here we see on Aberdeen's Pitstruan Place the latest innovation in Aberdeen PaveParking: ChevronPaveParking!

The space available not being quite big enough for the driver or this Aberdeen Car (which is a sensible estate car), he or she has chosen to go in "on the slant", and so, instead of the usual two wheels on the pavement both belonging to either the onside or offside of the car, has planted both REAR WHEELS fully on the footway. Innovative!

Note also that by using this parking tactic, this sensible driver has made sure not to impinge on the part of the carriageway used for traffic flow (the source of all economic activity), thus demonstrating his or her commitment to sustainable economic growth. Additionally, by blocking off a good bit of the pavement, this driver is demonstrating that walking is frowned upon in this affluent area of town, despite the supposed rise in the number of people walking in Aberdeen.

The truth these pedestrian advocates avoid recognising is that most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people like them expect we motorists to ‘just leave the car at home once in a while’, while our money is spent creating pedestrian crossings, refuges, pavements and the like all for them freeloading walkers, who then don’t use them, much preferring to just come out of nowhere and step in front of our nice cars, thus endangering our no-claims bonuses.

And so, by the driver of this Aberdeen Car making this innovative use of the pavement for rear wheels evident by this exemplary anti-pedestrian action, we expect this new ChevronPaveParking meme to spread like wildfire through Aberdeen's stately residential avenues where economic growth and a much needed house-price uplift is the priority.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway.

Plans to remove forever our Heritage Dual Carriageway at Denburn Road have been published on hippy blog Other Aberdeen.

This is what they want our Heritage Dual Carriageway to become.

Honestly, we don’t know why they don’t just re-title this blog ‘Anti-Car Rant’, for that’s all it is in various disguises. The truth they avoid recognising is that most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people like them expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists, who then don’t use them, much preferring the ‘sharing’ of pavements with pedestrians.

It. Makes. Our. Blood. Boil.

Support our Join our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.

Monday, 18 April 2011

Anti-Bollard Direct Action

Perhaps emboldened by our coverage of exemplary bollard-thwarting last week, we see evidence that the drivers of Aberdeen Cars have been out-and-about seeking to remove this menace from the urban environment. Bollards are just wrong; they prevent the drivers of Aberdeen Cars from parking wherever the hell they bloody well like, and from using the pavement as demand-responsive carriageway space for driving on when circumstances dictate.

Clearly, the presence of these anti-car bollards on some stretches of Aberdeen's Holburn Street has proven too much for one hard-pressed and beleagured motorist, who has taken direct action against this imposition on his (or her!) liberty:

We're also delighted to see that anti-bollard action is now spreading. Yes, spreading to barriers and railings too! We snapped this evidence of anti-railing direct action on the city's Great Western Road. This demonstrates that these items of street furniture are unwanted and dangerous: they're in our way and we want them removed! Anything that's in the way of the drivers of Aberdeen Cars is in the way of economic growth. So get these barriers removed. Now!

Unfortunately, we don't have the reg numbers of the drivers of the Aberdeen Cars who took this direct action, so we cannot induct them into the Anti Bollard (and Barrier!) League. But if they'd like to contact us direct with their reg numbers, we'd be happy to give them and their motoring skills the recognition which is so richly deserved!

Friday, 15 April 2011

A Major Step Forward. For the Railways!

As if to demonstrate how backward this region is, today we hear that a £200 million is to be spent on that most outmoded, backward and 19th century mode of transport, the railway. There is even to be a brand new station in Kintore - ugh! (We won't use it, we'll just keep on driving into Aberdeen to demonstrate our high level of prestige.)

19th Century

As hard pressed motorists, the drivers of Aberdeen Cars must languish, ignored and unloved by the authorities; never knowing when our Bypass is going to be built, suffering constant traffic woes at the Haudagain Roundabout (the second-worst roundabout in Britain) and coping with the stress of knowing that our Heritage Dual Carriagway at Denburn Road is under threat. (Join our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.)

If we're not careful - Aberdeen will end up looking like this.
So yes, too much stress placed upon the shoulders - however broad they are - of the drivers of Aberdeen Cars, upon who's consumption of North Sea oil the UK economic recovery depends. It is time for our governments in Edinburgh and London to waken up to the national significance of what is at stake and to support Aberdeen Cars - support the Bypass (no matter how many deer must die), support the Haudagain Roundabout Improvements (no matter how many lower-income families will be made homeless at Middlefield) and stop investing in 'trendy' foreign forms of transport like railways, cycling and walking. You'd think that we were in continental Europe the way thinks are going!

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Essential Services - "Sidey" YG05ROU & VO57CBU

New batrhooms are being installed in some council flats in the centre of the city. We suppose that's OK. The life of the world goes on in its neverending cycles. Winter turns to spring and for all things there is a season. All things must pass and the new replaces the old - nothing will last forever. Not even toilets.

While we're thinking of the inconstancy of all things, it's good to comfort ourselves with the thought that some things don't change in Aberdeen "City and Shire":

Yes, that's it! The contractors undertaking the works have made entrepreneurial use of the broken low fence to cross the double yellows, PavePark, VergePark and bollard-thwart thus vindicating the privatisation and outsourcing of building services by our council. We doubt whether pubic sector workers would have had the chutzpa to colonise the pedestrian space so unilaterally! Well, that statement is without foundation, but it suits our dogma, so we're happy to spout it.

We have written to the council offering praise for their policy, and by extension, their contractors. We have also inducted them into the Anti-Bollard League.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

PaveParker of the Week! SY59XSM

Ya-hay! It's the PaveParker of the Week!

Yes, this week, the driver of Aberdeen Car VW Golf 1.4 TSI 160 GT (oooooh!) reg. SY59XSM earns the laurels for this display of full PaveParking on Aberdeen's Holburn Street. And yes, you might have noticed, this spot holds a special significance for us: this being the very pavement where we inaugurated the PaveParker of the Week award!

In common with that inaugural PaveParker, this week's winner knows that PaveParking has an important economic benefit in these austerity times. By getting out of the way of other busy important motorists who're busily and importantly going about their lawful business on Her Majesty's highway, the clever PaveParker helps the traffic flow - and as we all know, efficient and swift traffic flow - more cars on more roads - is the only way we can ensure a prosperous future for Aberdeen once the oil runs out in 2017.

Also, by keeping the traffic flowing, it cuts down on pollution. That'll keep the greenies happy too!

Sharp-eyed readers will also notice that the streetscape has changed since the inauguration of the PaveParker of the Week Award. Yes - that big nasty pink cycle lane has appeared. And in these austerity times!

This is part of the push by the forces of darkness to re-allocate road-space away from the already beleaguered motorist, so, in this case, our heroic PaveParker deserves a special mention. Having had her road-space (which she paid for!) re-allocated for use by useless and economically inactive cyclits, she has struck back by unilaterally annexing and re-allocating for use by cars the pavement space usually walked upon by useless and economically inactive pestestrians. Brilliant!

We admire this freebooting attitude and independent action action. It gives us hope that the evil forces of reallocation will not succeed in their push to decommission our heritage Urban Dual Carriageway at Denburn Road. Join our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Dogs in Mangers put Bypass and Denburn Dual Carriagway Under Threat

Our deep-cover double-agent "Codename JannieJumbo" sent us these pictures from deep within his embedded position as part of Aberdeen's increasingly beleaguered cycling fraternity. The photos are taken from the so-called "Old Deeside Line", which is supposedly now "Route 195" on the "National Cycle Network". Whatever that is.

These pictures are taken facing west, near the former site of Milltimber Station, looking towards Milltimber Brae Road. The entrance to the Camphill Estate can be made out in the upper right quadrant of the first photo. From left to right (south to north) this is the route of the forthcoming special category road (motorway) the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route (AWPR), or just: "The Bypass" as we like to call it. This 45 km road had been due to open in 2012.

Firstly we were delighted to see that things are progressing at last - surveyors in the field, marking out carriageway widths - laying down flags and markers - is that a theodolite?

But then, taking a closer look, our mouths went dry - our hearts sank - our cheeks flushed with anger. Those aren't surveyors; they are young girls. Those aren't flags and markers; they are show-jumps! Those aren't theodolites; they are horses!

Frankly, we were horrified. Horrified on so many levels. Firstly, these people must know full well that they are playing games on the bed of the forthcoming motorway. So they are deliberately and provocatively rubbing the hard-pressed motorist's nose in the fact that some nimby naysayers court action is delaying the start of work on The Bypass.

Secondly, these people are beyond our understanding.  Why aren't they safe and cozy inside a nice car? Don't they know that horse-riding is as dangerous as taking drugs? No, we don't understand. The only possible reason they could be out there showing off with their ad-hoc gymkhana is to anger motorists with their highly provocative dog-in-a-manger attitude: "Look we're simply mucking about where your bypass is supposed to go but isn't". They've even parked their spare horses on the location of the critical SUDS drainage system for the motorway. These people have no shame!

Flaunting their petrol-free horse-use in front of tax-paying motorists, these arrogant horsey people are one of the critical-path barriers to a modern car-based transport system from the 1950's for Aberdeen "City and Shire". The sort of modern car-based transport system that culminates in a huge dual carriageway without pedestrian access wafting high-speed busy shoppers directly into the centre of covered malls in the heart of the historic city centre. We mean, of course, the now-threatened Denburn Dual Carriageway.

Join our campaign to Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway. 'Like' us on FaceBook, 'Follow' us on Twitter.

Monday, 11 April 2011

Union Grove is At War With The Bollards

Dispatches from our War With The Bollards and the promoters of Bollard-dom.

Thankfully, the driver of Aberdeen car YY06ZPE is much cleverer than the Bollard-mongering forces which seek to restrict his freedom movement and right-to-park. In this case, the forces of Bollard-dom have displayed their stupidity and have left just enough room for the driver of this BMW roadster to get in about and park his lovely sports car off the road. Thus reducing his insurance premium, probably. He's clever.

He cocks a snook at the Bollarders by crossing the double-yellows, and using the dropped-kerb pestestrian crossing bit to squeeze his lovely roadster off the road and onto that bit that used to be a garden outside the window of his two-room ground-floor Victorian tenement flat on the corner of the city's Union Grove and Annfield Terrace. That'll make him feel all lovely and secure. As he sits, continental lager in one hand - readymeal in the other - slumped in front of the plasma on the sofa of an evening, blasted by the daily commute to his spreadsheet-wrangling office job, he'll be able to glance out the window and see his lovely roadster - just there! When he sees it, he'll know full-well that his work of international importance creating much-needed economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire" to be the dynamo to pull the whole of UK plc out of the slump is worth it! Just look at the reward it brought him - a lovely roadster. If he could, he'd park it in the bedroom.

For this display of dedication, the driver of this BMW Z4 Roadster 2.5si "sport" (ooooh!) is made a full General in our Anti-Bollard League. Congratulations!

Friday, 8 April 2011

Absurd Speed Limits

During the ceaseless work we've been doing on behalf of the campaign to save the Denburn Dual Carrageway ('like' us on FaceBook, 'follow' us on Twitter) - thus saving Aberdeen's heritage as the last town to give in to the green spin that that urban dual carriageways are not an unalloyed good - we've discovered a few disturbing facts that we didn't know before...

By far the most disturbing thing we've found out is that there is a 30mph speed limit on this stretch of road. This is just weird. Why isn't the limit 50?

At least this WVM seems to be traveling at speed as he engages in work of
national importance on our Heritage Dual Carrageway.
We want to see much more of this.

Another example is North Esplanade West, by the Dee river between Victoria Bridge and the Queen Elizabeth Bridge.

From the North East Safety Camera [sic] Partnership (NESCAP):

These are some of the roads in Aberdeen which are dual carriageways but still have a 30mph speed limit. Please note that this list is not exhaustive:

  • North Esplanade West
  • Market Street (Trinity Quay to Victoria Bridge)
  • Virginia Street
  • Commerce Street
  • East North Street
  • West North Street
  • Beach Boulevard
  • Causewayend
  • Ellon Road (from Bridge of Don to North Donside Road
  • Wellington Road (from QE2 Bridge to its junction near Greenwell Rd)
  • Great Northern Rd (from Printfield Walk to near Deer Rd)
  • Auchmill Rd (through Bucksburn )
It's no small wonder that the Denburn Dual Carriageway is so woefully underused when this arbitrary and absurd upper speed limit is put on the responsible drivers of Aberdeen Cars who are in the best position to decide what's a suitable speed to be driving at. We say abolish the limit and let the motorist decide - that'll soon get our heritage roads used to their full potential delivering eager shoppers to our city's prime retail real estate to generate some much-needed economic growth (and get some 'retail therapy' into the bargain!).

There's one crumb of comfort in the NESCAP statement: "These are some of the roads in Aberdeen which are dual carriageways but still have a 30mph speed limit...". Yes. It's that use of the word "still". This suggests that even speed-camera boosters NESCAP agree with us that 30mph is old-fashioned and should be phased out. Their use of the word "still" suggests that this too is their aspiration. After all, they are drivers of Aberdeen Cars too, aren't they?

Thursday, 7 April 2011

A New Danger

On Aberdeen's Osbourne Place, we spot a development which we think is new for Aberdeen "City and Shire". These mummies (no car - therefore not yummy) and their children are walking down the pavement dressed in high-visibility clothing.

Do they think that this is a suitable way to bring up children; i.e. not in a car? They are obviously aware that they're putting their charges at risk, hence the hi-vis. We considered calling social services. We also considered calling the police, because, in the salubrious west-end of Aberdeen, no-one walks. It is suspicious. These people without cars must be poor (or they would be in a car) and so they are definitely therefore jealous of the more important and affluent people of Osbourne Place - good, professional people; nice, real people who own cars and who, in turn, should fear for their property; the pestestrians probably want to steal or vandalise it.

But, putting that aside, pestestrians wearing hi-vis raises much wider social issues affecting the drivers of Aberdeen Cars. Firstly, we think that it' s good that at last, the pestestrians are getting the message and knowing their place. By wearing these ridiculous figure-of-fun clown outfits they are branding themselves as 'outsiders', as 'other' and so will be easier for our agents to round up when the time comes for their re-education. Secondly, the wearing of hi-vis acknowledges that walking is a 'special' activity requiring special preparation, permissions, equipment, planning, etc. Quite right.

But, the problem that this development raises for the drivers of Aberdeen Cars is that the tried-and-tested court-testimony mitigation for accidents involving cars and pestestrians is that the pestestrian "just came out of nowhere", and so wasn't seen by the blameless driver until it was too late. Our Sherriff Courts are quite accommodating to this defense, as their record of judgements and sentencing shows. This development which sees the pestestrains adopting high-vis runs the risk of robbing the blameless drivers of Aberdeen Cars of the "sorry I didn't see you" defense. This is deplorable, because it puts our no-claims-bonus at risk.

How much easier it would be if there were no pestestrians at all. This is one of the reasons why it is vital that we get all the support possible for our campaign to save Aberdeen's Heritage Dual Carriageway at Denburn Road. It has no pavements and so is a model of our ideal future.

Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway! 
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Wednesday, 6 April 2011

PaveParker of the Week! MA56FDX

Now that the former pedestrian refuge build-outs of Aberdeen's Broomhill Road are recognised as Demand-Responsive Emergency Parking refuges for the operators of commercial vehichles engaged in the execution of essential services, we're delighted to see that the Big-Society inspired erosion of the barrier between private and public has now extended to our city's yummy-mummies.

Here, the yummy-mummy driver of Aberdeen Car BMW X5 5dr Sport Auto (oooooh!) reg. MA56FDX has used the build-out demand-responsive emergency parking bay beside "The Ceramic Experience" ("fun is our business!") while she pops in to engage in some economic-growth engendering commercial activity.

Indeed, the yummy-mummies of Aberdeen are a foundation stone and pillar of our local economy, maintaining effective demand for petrol with their 4-litre engines and setting an exemplary template for others to follow. Busy beetling around from school-run to cafe, from shopping centre to florist/salon/another cafe and back onto the afternoon school-run they help create the impression that Aberdeen "City and Shire" is a region that's really  "on the move" and knows where it's going!

Not only all that, this particular yummy-mummy demonstrates her high regard for the rich heritage of Aberdeen "City and Shire". While we are a modern cosmopolitan city with urban dual carriageways and everything, it is said that if you're born and bred Aberdonian, you're a maximum of two generations from the land or the sea from where your grandparents pulled their subsistence. By her choice of city runaround, this yummy-mummy is demonstrating her homage to a land-based heritage, for her car resembles the tractor her grandfather would have loved to have had.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Pampered Cyclists on Aberdeen's Urban Dual Carriageways

We've had about enough of this. Everywhere we look there is evidence that Aberdeen's cyclists are being pampered. Our esteemed local press was right to point out that the cyclists of Aberdeen "City and Shire" are a pampered breed.

And so it continues: this is what we have to put up with, this scandalous use of resources, this waste of road-space, the road space we've paid for.

Pampered cyclists!

All the more worrying is that this Aberdeen's South College Street, our most recently-completed urban dual-carriageway and a key feeder-road to our cause célèbre campaign: the threatened Denburn Road heritage dual carriageway. Which we have formed a pressure group to lobby the powers-that-be to save ('like' us on FaceBook, 'follow' us on Twitter). If cars can't get to the Denburn 'dualler' because of the dog-in-a-manger cyclits getting in our busy important way, then the dark forces of re-assignment might take it away from us.

We cannot let that happen!

Monday, 4 April 2011

A Battle Won in our War on the Bollards.

Yay! Outside a tenement on the city's St Mary's Place, the driver of this Aberdeen Car demonstrates the importance of their parking imperative by crossing the double-yellows, creating a new desire-line in the shrubbery, paveparking, getting as close as possible to the tenement-access stairs (preventing any less important people from using them) and - and this is the most vital part - finding a way to circumvent the strictures on parking imposed by the bollards which were planted there to prevent exactly what the driver of Aberdeen Car Citroen C3 "Picasso" (ooooh!) reg. SP09SXY has achieved in so exemplary a fashion!

For this most impressive and diagonal parking tactic, which demonstrates that the forces of bollard-dom are characterised by an approach which the intelligent drivers of Aberdeen Cars can easily overcome, the driver of this Aberdeen Car is awarded the field commission of Brigadier in our Anti-Bollard League. Congratulations!

Friday, 1 April 2011

April Fuel! Protests

As pro-motoring activists who just love driving, we at Aberdeen Cars will be taking full part in April's fuel protests. Oh yes. There's nothing we like better than putting our foot down on the open road on our way to work or the shops. When we drive around Aberdeen, it's just like the TV car adverts: A beautifully gleaming brand-new car swooshes and swishes sure-footedly around deserted city streets in an aspirational modern city; a roadster carries a glamourous young couple round Bavarian switchback bends on a deserted mountain road; a 2.4 children family arrive laughing at the beach in their people carrier, the sun gleaming through a blue sky - driving round Aberdeen is exactly like that. We find it disgusting that through high taxes, speed limits, unessesary road closures and the like the government - in the pocket of the so-called "green lobby" - are doing everything they can to get us out of our beloved cars.

Bavarian Hairpin Roadster. "Vroooom".
So, to preserve our cherished way of life, to support all other beleaguered tax farmed motorists around the UK and to show big business and thus the government that drivers are a priority not a luxury, today, we'll be taking part in the "Petrol Price slash - make the joke on them" protest, which is a fuel boycott running today. The idea is that, to display our disgust at the governments paltry 1p drop in petrol duty, we all stop filling our tanks today - creating a loss of profit for the oil companies and forcing them to put pressure on the government to do something or other.

Next, over the weekend, the second leg of the protest will kick off, we will avoid all large shopping destinations which depend on the driver for trade - we will empty their out-of-town and intersection car parks and, instead, walk to the town centre or local shops.

Yes, this weekend of action will show the government that we have clout. If they don't listen to us, we'll just stop providing our vital economy-supporting driving-about-the-place service. We'll boycot petrol. We'll boycot destinations that need cars to get to them. We'll find an alternative, yes, we'll show them that there are alternatives to being tax-farmed at every turn! We'll walk! We'll cycle! We'll get the bus or train! Oh, wait. Hang on a minute...