Pressure on Parking

Loving - as we do here at Aberdeen Cars - all things American, we very often read the New York Times for updates from 'across the pond'. So we were utterly horrified to read this article: "Europe Stifles Drivers in Favor of Alternatives" which details the cancer of "pedestrianization" which is creeping across continental Europe. Like us, the NYT adopts an incredulous tone in its reportage of some of the madcap antics of the Europeans:

...With politicians and most citizens still largely behind them, Zurich’s planners continue their traffic-taming quest...

The article cites a study "European Parking U-Turn Reaps Rewards", which details the growth of parking restrictions in the centres of some continental European cities and the way the way in which:

...European cities are reaping the rewards of innovative parking policies, including revitalized town centers; big reductions in car use; drops in air pollution and rising quality of urban life.

Well, thank goodness we don't have to put up with that sort of nonsense here in Aberdeen where extra new car-parking facilities in the city centre are rolled out on a continuous basis. For employees on their way to another vital day of spreadsheet-wrangling-of-national-importance in their tasteful cubicles, there's the company underground carpark. Recent developemnts at the IQ on Justice Mill Lane and Union Plaza on Union Row have seen the roll-out of well over a thousand of these employer-subsidised places, and we've noticed cheeky new underground carparks appearing on Diamond Street, Huntly Street, Langstane Place, underground Union Street (access from Union Row), Windmill Brae, The Green, Castlegate, Shiprow, Queen's Lane, John Street, Queen's Street, oh and probably other super-secret spots too. We particularly like the way that the lower-ground floor of the impressive Lloyds Register building on Union Terrace is now a car-park accessed from Diamond Street. You'd never tell from the listed Union Terrace frontage! Super-Secret!

But let's not forget about consumers! They are the source of all economic growth, and so must be coddled frictionlessly (and without going outside if at all possible) from their TV-lounge to shopping mall point-of-sale. Therefore, we're delighted to report that, since the opening of the Union Square shopping centre with it's extensive indoor multi-story parking facilities (1700 spaces - park all evening and night for just £1) there is an oversupply of covered-in consumer parking in central Aberdeen, with the variable matrix signs (strategic locations around the city centre) rarely showing less than 3000 spaces available to the all-important consumer.

We're proud and inspired that this policy of over-provision of parking space in the city centre is being pioneered here in Aberdeen - yes, that's the carrot, but we also like the stick. In order to encourage the good drivers of nice Aberdeen Cars to take those lovely cars all the way into the city centre and make use of all the high-quality new parking spaces, we note the spread of under-provision in some out-of-town shopping destinations.

For instance, at the Danestone Tesco, just take a look at these absurdly small spaces occupied by the driver of Aberdeen Car Range Rover V8 "Supercharged Autobiography" (oooooh!) reg SV60OBY, with it's 5 litre engine:

With thanks to citizen contributer "Iain" who hit the citizen contribution hot-link and emailed aberdeencars@gmail.com to provide us with this image. As "Iain" says:

An adept parking maneuver, cleverly taking up two spaces with a cheeky yet skilful diagonal placement. Perhaps an oblique (excuse the pun) comment on the absurdly small parking spaces that so-called planners are providing these days?

Yes, at first you might think this is a sinister anti-car policy. But we think that it's actually rather clever and subtle. We think that the planners know what they're doing here and that this is part of the strategy - we all want urban renewal, don't we? We all have our qualms about the growth of out-of-town shopping, isn't that so? By their provision of these absurdly small parking spaces, the town planners are looking to encourage the uptake of driving cars like these into the very heart of the city centre where there are plenty suitable parking spaces. Traffic flows in the centre of town demonstrate vibrancy and if the cars are really really nice, like this one, we can be proud to look on the busy roads of our town centre as demonstrating that ours is a city on the up-and-up. A city with "bustle". A city that's going somewhere, and knows where it's going - it's going shopping! Without wearing a coat!

More, more! Faster, faster!

That's why we look forward very much to the forthcoming City Square Project which, via the gift of comprehensive redevelopment, will contribute to the continuous improvement of the motoring environment in central Aberdeen by it's provision of several hundred new, high quality, secure, underground parking spaces in the space currently occupied by useless, hated, Union Terrace Gardens.

Some say that the gardens are not the problem, and that the Dual Carrageway should be 're-allocated' for pedestrian use, but we say: "What's wrong with you? Are you too poor to afford a nice car, then?".

If you own a nice Aberdeen Car and like driving it in the city centre; if you want to fight back against the sinister forces of roadspace re-allocation; if you just hate cyclists and pedestrians; or if you think that Global Warming is an EU conspiracy you should join our campaign to "Save the Denburn Dual Carriagway!" (Like us on FaceBook, follow us on Twitter)

I Dig UTG.

I 'dig' UTG!

We're beginning to gain more of a professional footing now with our popular campaign to to "Save the Denburn Dual Carriageway!" ('like' us on FaceBook, 'follow' us on Twitter). We're gaining more followers every day!

Of course, as we've pointed out, saving our the Denburn Heritage Dual Carriageway (which is part of our city's Heritage Inner City Ring-road), necessitates the destruction of the city's Union Terrace Gardens. Hay, you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs!

So, to celebrate the forthcoming desecration of the gardens to make way for the much needed car-park, we've had this brutally honest tee-shirt created:



The beauty of creating this teeshirt via fulfillment house "Zazzle", is that it's a doddle - anyone can do it, takes about 5 minutes. Not only that, it also demonstrates a provocative disregard for the nimby tree-hugging naysayers who think that grass and flowers are more important than parking spaces. This'll rile them!

Yay! Hud'at nimbys!

I think everyone will agree that this lends our campaign to realise Sir Ian Woods' 'vision' for Aberdeen City centre a professional and mature aspect which was hitherto missing. We have contacted him and his supporters at local enterprise forum ACSEF to ask what he and they think. We've also asked Aberdeen City Council whether they'd like to sell the tees at council tax collection points across the city. We're sure they'll all be delighted by our initiative!

You can't make an omelette...

Without breaking eggs...

An Underused Urban Asset in Aberdeen

Take a look at that picture. The Denburn Valley. Our friends at Bristol Traffic have pointed out that there's the railway for poor people to use, the pavement for bins and vans and a proper road (the Denburn Dual Carriageway) for real people to use. But that's the problem! They're not using it! A lovely big road like that, and hardly any nice cars or vans using it.

What with all those people walking and cycling around Aberdeen these days rather than use the lovely big road, the place is looking a bit like DSS-land or StudentVille or something. This sends out all the wrong messages.

They say "use it or lose it" and, indeed, that's one of the arguments being used in support of the redevelopment of the neighbouring Union Terrace Gardens: that the green space is "rarely used", is a "pocket of market failure" and should therefore be turned into a shopping centre. Or something. And so an opportunity presents itself.

As part of the forthcoming exciting City Square Project in Union Terrace Gardens, we'd like to see a lovely new big thrilling car park included in the plans. This will attract lots of nice cars into the heart of the city centre and fill the Denburn Dual Carriageway full of busy bustling traffic. This will ensure that, to the visitor, Aberdeen "City and Shire" will look very much like a region on the up-and-up. A city that knows where it's going. It's going shopping!

Moreover, the creation of a super big new exciting car park in the heart of the city will, through induced demand, create a justification for the new Berryden Corridor Urban Dual Carriageway Development. See how it all fits together? It's a "no-brainer"!

Simples!

We have deliberately created a 'facebook page' to spearhead our campaign to save and enhance this underused urban asset in Aberdeen.

Aberdeen Cycle Chic. Disgusting.

What is wrong with this picture? We have identified 5 major problems which rock the foundations of reality in Aberdeen "City and Shire".



Did you see them? Here you go...

1. The young woman cycling appears to have not a care in the world; she is wearing an expression of mild serenity as she listens to the wailing wheech drone skirl of the bagpiper in the background. This is wrong; she should of course, be miserable, what with her not being in a nice car and all.
2. She is occupying the Advanced Stop Box (or whatever it's called - you know, that red tarmac bit for the pole position driver at the lights, so that that driver can properly anticipate the changing of the lights and roar away at red-amber). She is there all by herself, it not being occupied by other more important ordinary people in their lovely cars. We ask why not? They paid for it with their extortionate road-tax after all! 
3. Her bike looks old, inexpensive, slow and comfortable. It has mudguards and a strong step-through frame. It's not a mountain bike (hardcore, dangerous, expensive) or a racer (hardcore, uncomfortable, expensive). Indeed, her bike looks ordinary, affordable, utilitarian and even a bit 'dowdy'. This does not fit with the aspiration agenda of Aberdeen "City and Shire". Don't get us wrong, we've got nothing against the right bicycle in the right place: We can understand that cycling in the summer is a nice, pleasant family pastime. In the public park, for instance, and well away from busy important traffic. You put your expensive clean (very important) mountain or racing bike on a rack on the tailgate of your Range Rover and drive to your chosen cycling recreational venue. Then you cycle round and round for a bit, then you put the bike back on the rack and drive home. A lovely day out, a holiday or weekend hobby. Cycling has no place in everyday life in the city centre.
4. The young woman is dressed in a studenty bohemian style with an accent hat and idiosyncratic trouser/sock combination. She is drawing attention to herself and rubbing the noses of the beleaguered tax-farmed hard-pressed busy important motorists-in-a-hurry in her tax-free transport mode and care-free lifestyle. This is not right. She should be forced to conform, 
5. If she insists on not-driving, she should, of course be forced by mandatory compulsion to wear both a cycle helmet (very important - this is where they will display the registration numbers we want them to wear) and high-visibility day-glo plastic clothing. Only by putting all these subversive non-motoring elements into this humiliating and clownish uniform will we be able to identify them quickly and easily - to flush them out - when the time comes for their re-education. This re-education will usually take the form of peer-pressure insistence on getting a "nice wee car".  

So yes, 5 things wrong. We're worried that things are not quite going the way they should in Aberdeen "City and Shire", photos like the one above send out all the wrong messages. We're worried that this photo might fall into the wrong hands and be used to promote some sort of old-fashioned idea of how attractive Aberdeen might be for tourists, students, artists, young people, bohemians, hippies, vegetarians and other weirdos; what with friendly non-motor accessibility to the city centre, the unique monumental granite statuary, our city centre's charming Victorian sunken park at Union Terrace Gardens, the busking piper etc.

That would be quite wrong. Everyone knows that what attracts tourists and creates economic growth is dual carriageways, like the one pictured below, which will soon extend all the way to where the photo of our bohemian cyclist above was taken:

In any case, we don't much like bagpipes anyway, and look forward to the day when the soothing roar of traffic, speeding on its way to create economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire" drowns out their hellish skirl.