A blog about cars in Aberdeen.

This is a blog about cars in Aberdeen because most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists.

Wednesday 24 November 2010

PaveParker of the Week! LM04 ABK

Congratulations are due to this weeks exemplary PaveParker: Renault Laguna 1.8 16V Extreme [oooh!] 5dr, reg LM04 ABK.

When we spotted this display on the city's Airyhall Road, close to the new International School campus, we were almost overwhelmed.

The driver has demonstrated 5 (five!) advanced aspects of the gentle art of PaveParking. Wow!
  1. Use of the dropped pavement in order to facilitate the PaveParking maneuver, easing intromission into position just behind the tree. Smooth!
  2. Use of the tree as an auxillary front fender ensures that no other vehicle can possibly touch the front of this nice car. We all know that if anyone we don't know even touches a car that can render it less nice and thus speed up its depreciation. Additionally any impact carries a severe risk of explosion! We know this because we've seen it in the films. Scratches are just as bad. So, use of a tree to fend off collisions is to be commended. Secure! Safe!
  3. Full PaveParking. The driver has succeeded in achieving the holy grail of advanced PaveParking and has placed all four wheels on the pavement, off of the carriageway and out of the way of the other busy important motorists who're busily and importantly going about their lawful business on Her Majesty's highway. Considerate!
  4. Aberdeen's considerate motorists know that there are still some people in "Europe's Oil Capital" who've been left behind, who are less fortunate than ourselves and, because they are poor, have to walk everywhere. We see people walking about and it tugs at our heartstrings that they can't afford a nice car; why else would they be walking? Anyway, this considerate PaveParker has been sure to leave a 30cm gap between the car and the wall, so that poverty-stricken pedestrians can pass, without having to impinge onto the carriageway, or taxpayer lane as we call it. Charitable!
  5. Finally, this PaveParker has 'flipped the wingmirror', thus further lessening any risk of a depreciation-inducing impact incident. We can see a tax-dodging cyclist further up the road, so the PaveParker has done especially well to anticipate the danger. If the paveparker had not 'flipped the wingmirror', the cyclist would have definately collided with it, causing egregious depreciation. Or worse! Some newer, nicer cars have motorised wingmirrors which flip up-at-the-touch-of-a-button. Gadgets are cool! Labour-saving motorised gadgets are double cool! This PaveParker is, therefore, by association, definitely, Super Cool!
So, smooth, secure, safe, considerate, charitable and super-cool, the PaveParking driver of Silver Grey Renault Laguna LM04 ABK is our PaveParker of the Week!

Congratulations! Yay!

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