Essential Services

The driver of Evening Express delivery van SW008 HYR demonstrates advanced parking and delivery technique. The Holburn Street Co-op is a popular spot for motorists to pop in for a Ginsters or something on their way to somewhere important; the Pelican Crossing (for those too poor to own cars) and its so-called 'zig-zags' providing an excellent parking platform - very convenient for a close proximity high-speed pit-stop. Just like Sebastian Vettel! Failed wannabe racing driver Tiff Nedell would be proud.

But it's not all Ginsters snack bars! To while away the time in Aberdeen's notorious gridlock keen motorists may want to read about the forthcoming AWPR and all the measures being deployed around Aberdeen to try to stamp out cycling. What better place to "read all about it" than in our comfortingly pro-motorcar local press? The Evening Express delivery man is therefore performing an Essential Service, which comes with privileges concomitant with his advanced driver status.

The photos show us several aspects of this driver's advanced technique:

He demonstrates the fact that he is performing an Essential Service by blinking the hazard lights ("exempt-lights", as we call them), which of course perform the same function as the flashing blue or red lights used by the Emergency Services. In each case they demonstrate that the vehicle is doing Something Very Important.

Eschewing even the zig-zags (where he has every right to park, probably?), he parks directly on the pedestrian section of the crossing, as delineated by the carriageway-embedded metal studs. This enables the hard-pressed but very important delivery driver to cleverly make full use of the dropped kerb and anti-slip paving slaps, while simultaneously preventing any people of lesser importance from making use of the crossing on foot. While this might seem at first to be a little selfish, we understand, of course, that the delivery driver is actually using this choice of position as a safety feature - by putting off others from using the crossing, he reduces the risk that any foot-user might become injured by bumping into him as he goes about his Essential Service.

To further reduce the risk of interference as he goes about performing his Essential Service, in an elemental audio-visual display of alpha-male dominance, the delivery driver proudly and prominently exhibits his many manly tattoos while intimidating foul and personal abuse issues from his mouth in the direction of the camera operator. The black gloves also add a sinister touch. Don't mess!

Oh, if only he knew that we were going to praise him and his innovative and highly advanced delivery driving technique!

We believe that the Delivery Driver of Evening Express van SW08 HYR deserves an award for the heroic way he goes about performing his Essential Service. So we've written to his employers to tell them so.