Ultrafast Broadband to Arrive by Road.

Top business development quango ACSEF (Aberdeen City and Shire Economic Future), have, in a stroke of what can only be possibly described as political hostage-taking kung-fu genius, managed to link the installation of broadband internet for Aberdeen to the building of the proposed orbital motorway project - the "Aberdeen Western Peripheral Road" (AWPR).

Yes, those admirably entrepreneurial guardians of economic growth in all our days to come here in Aberdeen "City and Shire" have demonstrated that they will do all it takes to deliver the AWPR, including this form of hostage taking. Latest estimates for the installation of next-generation broadband connectivity in this region are in the area of about £15 million, so we can see the perfect business logic of linking this project to the £700 million motorway bid. A sprat to catch a mackerel, as the traditional fish-industry idiom would put it!

ACSEF's submission to the Scottish Parliament's Infrastructure and Capital Investment Committee is here in PDF form:
http://www.scottish.parliament.uk/S4_InfrastructureandCapitalInvestmentCommittee/Inquiries/ACSEF.pdf
Rita Steven, ACSEF's "Development Manager" gave oral evidence to the Committee on Thursday, but the minutes haven't been published yet. When they are, we'll bring them to you.

Broadband Backbone Router

Now, here at Aberdeen Cars, we don't use the internet and we don't really know what that worldwide web's for. As far as we can see, it's mostly just filth. Either that or political sedition. The fact that our Prime Minister Mister David Cameron so wisely threatened to shut down so-called social-networking sites (whatever they are) whenever there's a bit of civil unrest speaks volumes. Yes, you see, it's the seditionist cyclists and pestestrians - radical commie hippy-vegan-types the lot of them - who tend to like the internet. And - surprise surprise! - these are just exactly the sort of folk who usually oppose major road-building projects like our super new motorway. So we are breathless in our admiration for ACSEF in linking the future of internet infrastructure here to the motorway project, for that's one sure way to get all those stinking hippies on our side! Yes they can have their information superhighway toy, but only if we get our super motorway first, for grown up important people in cars! Naturally, for the clever, important and moneyed people like us, roads and cars are much more important than blogs and tweets - we leave that sort of thing to the little people; the poor, disenfranchised cycling klutzes and pestestrian plebs who can't afford nice cars like ours.

But of course, there are risks. The fact that it's a completely spurious link to make - that high-speed broadband infrastructure does not, in fact, require any sort of new road to be built at all - might be pointed out. Also running that same risk - the risk of being pointed out by the NIMBY naysayers - is the fact that one of the whole big-thing points of the new-economy information and communication technology is that it is a cheap and simple substitution: "instead of", rather than "in addition to" big ticket motor transport projects. And, biggest risk of all, is the fact that the motorway may not ever be built (sad, but true in these austerity times). So to critically link high-speed broadband (cheap and easy) to a roadbuilding project (expensive and difficult) that may be cancelled before any soil is broken risks indefinite delay in installing high-speed broadband for Aberdeen. These ACSEF guys must play a lot of poker! They show that they are prepared to bet the lot - the entire future of modern communication (already so common elsewhere in the world and the UK) in return for our precious Aberdeen Western Peripheral Road. There's not much else left to bet! Let's hope that the so-called active and sustainable transport advocates are too stupid to notice. Surely they are, because if they were clever, they'd have nice cars and want to show them off on a lovely new road, wouldn't they?!

So we admire the people at ACSEF, in particular Rita Steven their development manager, for these are important people who are willing to demonstrate their belief in the gullibility and stupidity of the little people of Aberdeen "City and Shire". Yes, so splendid are ACSEF, and so secure are they in their pomp and power in our city and it's hinterland, that they know that they can show their contempt for the plebs unchallenged. Just like we do.

We just love these people and the way they behave. They show chutzpa, they show boldness. It's just the sort of high-handed clever risk-taking buccaneering capitalistic free-market spirit which has made the business community in Aberdeen "City and Shire" the talk of Scotland!