Essential Services - Fags and Booze.

We've all been outraged by the disgraceful state of some of the roads in Aberdeen in the current snowy weather, so it's great to know that Knights of the Road M&H Carriers are making sure to get essential winter supplies through to the shops. In this case, cigarettes and beer are being delivered to the Co-op on Holburn Street.

The driver of MAN delivery van 371PKO here shows exemplary dedication to his "appointed round" by making sure that the fags and booze get through.

No matter the weather, priorities are priorities! So important is this delivery that the driver has placed his van as close as is possible to the door of the supermarket. This serves two important health and safety functions.

• Firstly health - it's cold isn't it? So by minimising his exposure to the Siberian blast, our driver is protecting his health and making sure that he'll not need to take any sick-days off due to the sniffles. By this selfless action, he is making sure that the Co-op will NEVER run out of fags. Or booze.
• Secondly safety - the driver is right to minimise the distance he must ferry the fags and booze to the door of the shop because the ground is slippy underfoot. This is because Aberdeen City Council know what side their bread's buttered on and haven't bothered wasting any money in gritting or clearing the pavements. The pavements, of course, being used only by poor people who lack the "clout" of the VIP motoring lobby. Oh yes, our council knows that the outrage and opprobrium that the local papers and hard-pressed motoring public would rain down on them if they used even one grain of grit on the pavement while one single flake of snow remains on the carriageway would be so severe that no councillor could ever hope to be re-elected ever again. So, very wisely, the council have prioritised traffic flow rather than pandering to the self-serving calls of a minority of vocal self-appointed pedestrian's champions. As can be seen in the photo - the road is nice and clear of snow, while the pavement remains treacherous. This is as it should be. The council has got it's priorities right.

It's been pointed out that in order to achieve this most efficient delivery-position, the driver has had to place his van on the so-called "zig-zags" associated with the pelican crossing. However, in this case, the council has cleverly considered the needs of the delivery drivers who provide the essential deliveries of fags and booze (oh, and crisps) to the Co-op, and have cleverly left the so-called "zig-zags" obscured from view by snow, ice and slush. Because the delivery driver cannot see the so-called "zig-zags" (even though he might know well that they are there) he can, with a clear conscence, ignore them and proceed with the execution of his essential delivery service. In any case, the driver is flashing his hazard-lights (exemption lights) which demonstrate his knowledge of this exemption.

You see, what isn't widely known by pedestrians (how could they?) is that the so-called "zig-zags" operate as a kind of need-responsive parking space; responsive to the needs of the hard-pressed motorist-in-a-hurry who lacks the time to look for a formal parking space. In this case, this flexibility of purpose is put to good use by the van driver, who is using the so-called "zig-zags" secondary function as an emergency high-priority-unloading bay for essential winter supplies.

Some whining pedestrians might moan that this parking on the so-called "zig-zags" is dangerous. But we say "No!" What the ever-demanding pedestrian pests maybe can't see is that the delivery driver has made a significant enhancement to road safety by minimising the risk that oncoming motorists might become distracted by the suddenly-changing-and-flishy-flashing lights of the pedestrian crossing - the bulk of the van actually hides the lights from the view of oncoming motorists.

Everyone knows that the increase in road-clutter distracts the driver's attention from important and safety-critical in-cockpit actions, such as re-setting the satnav or lighting a cigarette, changing to the next Bryan Adams track on the CD or texting his or her stockbroker. So, by hiding the lights from view with the bulk of his van, the delivery driver is leaving the busy Holburn Street motorist free to concentrate on more important stuff and the prospect of getting his or her foot down on the high-speed drag that is Great Southern Road ahead.

Moreover, when an important motorist-in-a-hurry parks on the so-called "zig-zags" to pop into the Co-op for some much-needed cigarettes, or when an essential-services courier uses them as a high-priority-unloading bay, we say that this actually enhances safety for the pedestrians, as it screens them from the oncoming traffic, thus sheltering them from the extreme danger usually associated with pedestrianism and as everyone can see actually making the crossing all the safer! 

But do the pedestrians appreciate this? Do they heck! They should be grateful, especially if they've just been into the Co-op for some fags and booze, as delivered by the Essential Services delivery driver of M&H Carriers MAN delivery van 371PKO.

The courier's code:

We are mothers and fathers. And sons and daughters. Who every day go about our lives with duty, honor and pride. And neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night, nor the winds of change, nor a nation challenged, will stay us from the swift completion of our appointed rounds. Ever.

We think that the driver of M&H Carriers MAN delivery van 371PKO has fulfilled his obligations to the couriers code, and then some! So we've written to his employers to tell them so.