A blog about cars in Aberdeen.

This is a blog about cars in Aberdeen because most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists.

Friday, 10 December 2010

Fury at CarraigeWalking

Aberdeen City Council's latest anti-pedestrian policy initiative (not clearing the pavements of snow and ice) has, we are furious to report, backfired with upsetting results and serious consequences for public order in our town.

Close to schools (the safety of innocent children - who are our future - being a number one priority) while every snow-and-ice-clearing attention has been lavished, quite rightly, on the car-bearing carriagway, the council has stuck to its guns and refused to do anything about the pavements. This safety-first approach (because walking about the place without brakes, indicators, airbags or anything is as everyone knows, intrinsically dangerous) has rendered the pavement on Aberdeen's Broomhill Road completely unusable. Good. This policy initiative should encourage everyone to join in with the vast majority of folk, and get around in a nice car. It is particularly important that children be discouraged from dangerous walking, particularly in cold weather, when they might catch the sniffles.

Not gritted, not salted, not ploughed.
And quite right too.
But, and it's a big but, while we were initially delighted by this pro-car approach which we thought would finally force the last redoubts of anti-car sentiment to nip out to Arnold Clark and drive off with a seasonal bargain, we regret to say that the law of unintended consequences has struck, and we were today horrified to notice that these last few road-tax-dodging pestestrians who refuse to contribute to the economic growth of the region have adopted a radical new tactic from the anarchists cookbook: RADICAL CARRIAGEWALKING!

Harassed by the rioting anarchist, the elderly couple in the passing car were visibly shaken.
Perhaps emboldened by the student protesters hooligan anarchists thugs who took to the streets in London yesterday, these radical pestestrians have unilaterally occupied the tax-payer-only carriageways of West Aberdeen, striding up the middle of the road and willfully impeding the lawful progress of important hard-pressed motorists as they go about their lawful business on Her Majesty's highway generating much-needed economic growth for Aberdeen "City and Shire".

Showing no fear (perhaps on drugs?) the snarling rioter faces down the law abiding motorist.
Had the protester tried to touch the car, we might have been forced to ask a policeman to draw his sidearm.

Wildly swinging a placard with its obscene message (which we have been forced to blur with photoshop)
this sneering anarchist scans around for her next victim. 
We were scared she would touch the silver-grey Merc to her left.
Officer, may we suggest you use baton rounds?
Law-flouting pestestrian anarchist ring-leaders look to recruit
the anti-motorist bus-users to their subversive protests...
Send in the horses.


  1. probably the worst post you have done.

  2. I disagree. Very funny. And I make a particular point of engaging in radical carriagewalking as and when I can, especially as the pavements where I live in east London are now used as car parks, an action naturally officially sanctioned by the crap local council

  3. @Anonymous
    Sorry you didn't enjoy it. Where did you think I went wrong? Please be specific.

    Disgusting! I shall alert the authorities as to your rebellious intent. The Territorial Support Group know how to deal with the likes of you!...

  4. Thank goodness you don't have strict liability as we do in Germany (The assumption that the driver is to blame in any collision with a pedestrian or cyclist) Here, not only are carriagewalkers legion, they also have the law on their side, and have been known to brazenly stare down drivers who are (quite reasonably) trying to take short cuts hrough pedesrianised streets. Be wary. It could happen to you soon.

  5. @Workbike.
    Pedestrianised Streets? Eh?

  6. I tried some carriagewalking on a (very wide) road near me, to protest about my behaviour and teach me the error of my ways several drivers decided to pass within inches of me. Won't be doing that again, very sorry everyone.