Enemy of the PaveParker? - Norman Baker

Parking on the pavement - PaveParking is a necessary "tool in the box" for Aberdeen "City and Shire" and the drivers of Aberdeen Cars who are tasked with the onerous responsibility of leading the UK out of the grim dank valley of recession and towards the sunlit uplands of economic growth.

PaveParking: Pro-growth.

By exercising our right to park on the pavement we are demonstrating the sure knowledge that unimpeded traffic flow, encouraging more cars onto more roadspace, is the only way to ensure this much-needed growth.

That's why we were horrified to read that our supposedly pro-business Government is actually nothing of the sort, what with Junior Minister Norman Baker (who is, after all a LibDem) now allowing councils to "use their powers to prevent parking on the pavement when it is a problem".

Baker: Anti-growth. Anti-Aberdeen

Well, obviously, we would question whether parking on the pavement is ever "a problem", rather it is, quite obviously, a solution. But secondly we can only express our horror and revulsion at this return of the nanny state; trying to order us about and tell us what we can and can't do. That's not what we expected at all from this Government at all!

But wait, we think we can see what's going on here - being a LibDem he is pandering to his base with this policy which seems, at first sight, to be nothing less than War on the Motorist anti-car agitation. But, this government is a slippery customer! See how they offered up the "easy win" straw-man by back-pedaling on selling off those forests? Well, we think we can see what they're doing here. It's those words: "when it is a problem". That would be a subjective judgement in each case. Yes, these are called "weasel words" and provide plenty of wriggle room. By issuing his edict, Baker seems comes across as quite the yoghurt-knitting sandal-wearing bearded liberal, and so placates his electorate, but by providing a "get-out" he renders his own encyclical practically worthless. Subtle! Brilliant!

There is, also, a second ray of hope for the important drivers of Aberdeen Cars. Mr Baker's writ runs only in England. We must hope that here in Scotland, home of the Enlightenment and the birthplace of Capitalism, our politicians will over the next few months be far too busy tearing lumps out of each other in the election campaign for the Scottish Parliament to be bothered noticing this piece of nonsense from our Imperial Governors Down South. Not that it means anything anyway.

We fight for our rights!