A blog about cars in Aberdeen.

This is a blog about cars in Aberdeen because most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Essential Services - AJ60FGA

We were both delighted and a little bit miffed to see this sight on Aberdeen's Holburn Street.

We'll deal with the downside first. The van is marked "PAVEMENT PARKER". This is not right, and risks what copyright lawyers call 'passing off'. The correct term is "PaveParker". You might recall from our prefatory post on the subject "An Introduction to PaveParking in Aberdeen". Remember? In that post we established that the correct format is:
(Note the corporate-style italicisation, capitalisation and trademark superscript)
From which would follow:

Any White Van Men (WVM) who in future would wish to display their traffic-flow-friendly credentials by similarly emblazoning their van with PaveParker livery should get in touch using the e-mail link up to the right. We can supply official decals for a large value-added fee.

But, on to the upside. This WVM - a satellite dish installation engineer - is fully committed to economic growth in his use of the pavement as a station for his vehicle as he provides Essential Services to the residents of Holburn Street. By crossing the double-yellows and getting out of the way of other busy important drivers of Aberdeen Cars and WVM who're busily and importantly going about their lawful business on Her Majesty's highway, this clever PaveParking WVM helps keep the traffic flowing - and as we all know, efficient and swift traffic flow - more cars on more roads - is the only way we can ensure a prosperous future for Aberdeen "City and Shire" once the oil runs out. Also, by keeping the traffic flowing, it cuts down on pollution, keeping even the meanie-greenie naysayers nice and happy.

And, not forgetting, this WVM is providing an Essential Service in fixing up satellite TV reception for hard-working Aberdonians, who, after a hard day slaving over their oil company spreadsheets, fully deserve to slump in front of the plasma, can of continental lager in one hand, readymeal in the other, placid and conditioned, blasted vapid and vacant by long working hours and ready to be implanted with whatever messages the advertising funded media so thoughtfully provide for us in so entertaining a way:

"Go Compare, Go Compare"
"Any Any Any Any"

When we learn these phrases by rote, ready to unquestioningly regurgitate them as a substitute for interpersonal discourse, then we can rest comfortable and assured that our conformity will be complete, we'll no longer be troubled by the nagging thought: "is that all there is to life?" The voice that says that something is missing in our life, that there must be more.

By PaveParking on his way to perform his Essential Satellite TV Installation Service, the WVM is helping the people of Aberdeen realise that we shouldn't expect too much from life and, yes, that really is all there is. He is helping to ease our troubled minds with soothing, reassuring, friendly TV which tells us that all we need is "things"; a new car, this year's model; all we need is a new PC, ipod, holiday, and then our life will be complete.

Thank God for WVM.

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