A blog about cars in Aberdeen.

This is a blog about cars in Aberdeen because most people aspire to the convenience of personal motor transport, pay dearly for the privilege, provide much employment, contribute greatly in taxes, and then people expect them to ‘leave the car at home’, while their money is spent creating cycle lanes and the like for freeloading cyclists.

Tuesday 1 March 2011

A Tribute to The Designers of Aberdeen's Cycle Facilities

More video from 'Codename JannieJumbo', our deep-cover double-agent who slithers his sniping and snitching way around the so called 'pro-cycling advocacy movement' in Aberdeen.

This time, JannieJumbo has exposed that source of great rage for the hard-pressed tax-farmed drivers of Aberdeen Cars - yes, dedicated cycling infrastructure.

Now let's be fair to the poor cyclits who, of course, cannot afford nice cars like ours. Apparently there are these things called "Dual Use Paths" which allow the cyclits to actually use the pavements, thus getting them out of the way of the much busier and important tax-paying motorist. Great!

Ah, but these "Dual Use Paths" need these expensive things (which we pay for out of our Road Taxes) called "Toucan Crossings", which the cyclists must use as if they were pestestrians, pushing the button and waiting for the green man. Only in this case they have to wait for a silly-green-man-on-a-bicycle thing.

Yes, as we see in the video, they have to stop, put their feet on the ground, take at least one hand off the handlebar, press the button and wait. And wait. And wait a bit more as the much more important motor-traffic goes past. This reminds the cyclist (who does not work, does not spend, is not economically active) that he is of no consequence. These people (if you can call them people; they do not after all have car insurance or a registration number) simply do not count.

So, we pay a tribute to the designers of Aberdeen's Dedicated Cycling Facilities! Not only do they suppress the cyclits by keeping them in their place - out of our way, off of our roads, and out of our minds. But also these facilites rub their noses in their inferior status by making them wait for us important tax-payers to pass as we speed our way onward to create some more much-needed economic growth! Brilliant!


  1. I think the idea is to exterminate all cyclists from Aberdeen's streets.

    The cycle lanes are a joke. Love those at King's Gate.

  2. “So the Toucans of Gt Sthrn Rd arbitrarily judge a total of 25 other roads users to be more important than me”

    ME! ME! DAMMIT, I am far more important than 25 other people. :)

  3. Hmmm, yes, as we've said, we are getting a tad worried about "Codename Janniejumbo". Not only is he definitely suffering from "Stockholm Syndrome" but also he appears to be developing a Napoleon Complex.

    This is a timely warning of what cycling can do to people. All the fun, fitness and fresh air - all that freedom, all that going wherever you want whenever you want - it's gone to his head. He's clearly forgotten that road use is all about queueing in traffic, being restricted, being told what to do and where to go by seemingly arbitrary signs.

    Yes, it's high time we called "Codename JannieJumbo" back in from the cold and told him "don't you think it's time you got yourself a nice wee car?" Then he can exercise his right to wait in line with everyone else, tied to a chair in a hot locked metal box. And pay through the nose for the right, too - like everyone else.